Look Ma! A Hybrid Car!

2008-12-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

The US aint so young... 232 is the new 40

2008-07-05T21:10:00.001-07:00

A lot of people like to complain about the United States being a young democracy and not knowing what for what. Well I thought I would list a few well-known countries that are democratically younger for you whineys out there.

The EU:

Austria- 1955
Belgium- 1830
Bulgaria- 1908
Cyprus- 1960
Czech Republic- 1993
Denmark- 1848 (Prime Minister)
Estonia- 1991
Finland- 1917
France- 1870 (3rd Republic)
Germany- 1871
Greece- 1830
Hungary- 1989
Ireland- 1922
Italy- 1861
Latvia- 1921 and then again in 1990 (soviet stuff something somthing)
Lithuania- 1918 and 1990 (see above)
Luxembourg- 1890
Malta- 1974
The Nederlands- 1848 (Prime Minister)
Poland- 1918
Portugal- 1974 (modern democracy)
Romania- 1878
Slovakia- 1993
Slovenia- 1991
Spain- 1978 (establishment of republic and prime minister)
Sweden- 1866 (Prime Minister)
United Kingdom- 1689 (following the Glorious Revolution)

Ok so of all those countries only England is older, and Im pretty sure they had a king when we declared independence. So now you slap someone the next time they claim America is a young democracy (though Im not sure who still says that?)

I would say America is less a petulent child than a balding man going through a mid-life crisis. Iraq is our red convertible.

Starbucks closing stores but still more than willing to serve ridiculously sized coffee milkshakes to your children for breakfast

2008-07-01T19:09:00.000-07:00

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/1310ap_starbucks_closings.html

Ok I admit that was a very long title for a quite boring article. Starbucks is closing stores, 600 to be precise, that is quite terrible news to hear. I can't believe that I might have to walk 2 more blocks to get to the next one, or across the mini-mall parking lot to the "fake" Starbucks in Safeway. It's a very sad day for us all.

Of course Starbucks always the public relations guru blames the stagnant U.S. economy on the reason for the closers. People just can't afford over-priced gas and over-priced coffee, they need to save money for over-priced clothing after all. Now the funny thing about all this is that 70% of these store closures are going to be stores opened after the beginning of 2006. So rather than admit they might be over-expanding their shitty brand, they blame the economy as if to say, "We hate you American government, standing in the way of your citizens getting the coffee they want, nay, deserve to be drinking on a thrice daily basis."

My solution is this: add a $2.00 tax for drinking to every Frappuccino sold and you can fix the economy in less than 5 years. I already have a name for it, "The Fat Douchebag Economic Reform Act" (I realize some slender people drink them but they probably still have high cholesterol).

Prince Charles continues to wine...

2008-06-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23503568-details/Prince+Charles+converts+his+beloved+Aston+Martin+to+a+green+machine...+run+on+English+wine/article.do

Ugh... the environmental movement is getting out of control. I know everyone loves Priuses (Priusees? Priusiy? Octopussy?) and that the ozone layer is dying (or trying to get away from Australia, depending on your point of view), and that Al Gore wants to keep you from destroying his second-greatest invention, the enivornment. But I mean really... a car that runs on wine? Well at least it's English wine so it's probably pretty close to petroleum anyways. Does a country which invented blood pudding stand a chance a making drinkable wine? Even hobos wont brown bag it.

He's really doing his part though by running his car on grapes. A car he drives only 300 miles a year. Maybe next time though when he decides to fly to the United States and prove that he has some semblance of power on the world stage he might take a hot air balloon, instead of a private jumbo jet that probably has 20 people on it. Perhaps this is his way of proving English royalty are in touch with the people (or at least those that can afford to convert their Aston Martin's to use bioethanol fuel). Wonder if he gets a tax rebate for that?

Bottom line though, he should stop putting the wine in his car and start drinking it to make his wife, Camila, more attractive to him or better yet give it to me so everytime I see her on TV I wouldn't wince. I wish I could articulate in written word the feeling of my stomach contents escaping and running away to hide in a dark corner.

Yay! Potato(e)s!

2008-04-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/inDepthNews/idUSN0830529220080415?feedType=RSS&feedName=inDepthNews&rpc=22&sp=true

Corn on the rise? Have no fear the potato is here! It's such a versatile food product I could eat it any time of the day. Ever had potato flavored ice cream? No? Well why would you it tastes terrible (trust me) but with a little ketchup... yumbos!

I look forward to the day when potatoes become our new currency... and why wouldn't they with the devaluation of currency.

"Hey pretty sweet iPod! How much did that set you back?"

"Oh about a medium bag of french (freedome) fries. Ran out of biggies or else I would have gotten the 16gig."

California encouraging you to buy high-alcohol spirits...

2008-04-12T01:34:00.000-07:00

http://cbs13.com/local/beer.tax.california.2.697609.htm

Oh California, why must you make me hate you so? I want to love you for your beaches, your golden gates, your tall redwoods, your short midget actors in Hollywood, and abundance of San Francisco hobos. What makes you think I want to pay more for beer though? All you are doing is encouraging me to buy hard alcohol.

A California lawmaker (I don't want to name names but let's just call him A. Hole) wants to increase the beer tax from $.02 to $.30... oh my GOD!!! (every letter is capitalized for EFFECT). Seriously if you want me to drink Bacardi 151 just tell me up front. Don't tease me and try to move me towards the hard liquor by slowly increasing the price of beer. How dare you! That's it I give up on you California, please don't up the beer tax and make me want to smack you. Why do you make me do this? I'm sorry baby I'll never do it again. Oh don't worry about California... it just walked into wall and then fell down some stairs...

Chris' Pussy

2008-04-12T01:28:00.001-07:00

So I drove all the way to Chris' house with a full-size bed precariously positioned on the roof of my car, and when I mean positioned I mean, sliding off my roof on the 580 (that's a freeway you Socal douche bags...) So I finally get to Walnut Creek (which has neither walnuts, nor a usable creek) and I lug this bed up an effing concrete staircase and open the door... what do I see? Chris' pussy staring at me dripping wet with saliva... scratching me, biting me, jumping at me... very unbecoming of a pussy of her breed. I suppose it is because she has yet to be snipped, but even so, what a pussy. Now she sits here, comfortable in her nylon tent... silently judging us. I only pray that I will make it through the night. Perhaps if I don't move she can't see me... like Tyrannosaurus Rex.

People proving their namesakes...

2008-04-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/4468527a28.html

"Boring couple sue Google over photos"

Wow... what a great news story. Jay Leno's writer's are salivating right now just thinking of all the "boring" jokes they can make. Man am I glad the writer's strike is over so we can get quality like that.

Anywhoozle, apparently a Pennsylvania couple is suing Google and its StreetView application for taking photographs of their house, claiming it is devaluing their property. Because you see, their property is sooo private, and sooo exclusive that no one should even know its there. And what is their main gripe? They believe Google drove up their driveway to get the pictures, as it shows the private road sign, or something. What the Borings (hehehe.... it may never get old.) are failing to realize is that cameras are actually good enough that you can zoom in on the picture. Google does not have the time, nor do they really care, to drive up everyone's driveway to take pictures of you playing croquette with faux intellectual friends.

And actually at looking at the pictures above its very clear just how "exclusive" and "private" this land actually is. I mean just look at that masterful landscaping. Also apparently "private" driveway means only that the house sits back 200 feet from the road. Maybe buy some trees if you want privacy... dumbass.

To you the Borings of the world I say.. shut your mouth and accept progress. Don't hold back interconnected enlightenment because of your own draconian ideas about privacy. Suck it down and close the windows if you're going to cheat on your wife with her sister.

3 New Facebook Applications

2007-12-09T22:38:00.000-08:00

Vote Buddy- This application conveniently shows you the complete voting history of all your friends. By breaking down national, state, and local elections, you and your friends will now be able to identify which issues and candidates you disagree on so that you can yell at each other about them just like you did in the common room as a freshman in college.

Stalker Pro- Not content with the limited amount of information given by the mini-feed? Feel like you could always know more? Maybe thought having your friend's vaccination records would be a good conversation starter? Then this app is for you!

Future Proofer for Pictures- Oh no your roommate just uploaded pictures of you getting wasted and passing out on top of a keg! But you might have a job interview in 5 years? What are you to do if they decide to peruse the FB? This handy application will change all your embarrassing pictures into though-provoking images. Choose from a variety of scenes depending on how globally aware you want to seem in the interview you might be seeking: world suffering, environmental devestation, environmental destruction (you know if you want to work for a logging company or something), cute cuddly kittens, or overt symbols of patriotism

Thank Abu Dhabi! America's Bank is back in the black.

2007-11-27T18:55:00.001-08:00

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071127/D8T68TNG1.html

So up and coming small-business CITIGroup is running out of money. Well thankfully, oil-rich city-state with an awesome name, Abu Dhabi, has bailed them out with a $7.5 Bajillion (ok maybe just billion) in investment. Why is Citibank running out of money? Blame it on all those people they tricked into getting houses they cant afford with sub-prime lending who them are such assholes they default on their loans when interest rate jumps. Didn't they ever think about all the bank executives they were going to hurt? All Citibank wanted to do was sell you the American Dream? They didn't deserve this, they're just a small independent company trying to make it's way through the big-city corporate world. Maybe the next time you decide to buy a house cause you want your child to go to a better school you might think about all the people you hurt at the bank when you can't pay your mortgage. Stop being so selfish... ass.

British Paper proves stupidity not limited to United States

2007-11-26T22:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.drudgereport.com/flashhh.htm

(Don't know how long the above link will last)

So The Times of London has decided that they are going to be retarded and claim that Hillary is a lesbian sleeping with her assistant. I mean there are lows and then there is disgustingnessness (extra ness for emphasis). I guess they ran out of everything else they could make fun of her for. Lames I say... lames....

With CBS News writers on strike, possibility of a sequel seems unlikely.

2007-11-19T18:15:00.000-08:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN1950928120071119?feedType=RSS&feedName=domesticNews&rpc=22&sp=true

Apparently the news is worried about getting their residuals for all those episodes they re-run and then sell on dvd.... or not. Wait a minute, why do the news writers need to strike. When did reporters become writers. Ok I'm all for hollywood writers striking because they are the ones providing the creativity for the shows and movies they write for. But why in the fudge do the news reporters need to strike? I'm hoping that "creative" journalism doesn't exist there. Although judging from Katie Couric's numbers it seems pretty certain no one is watching anyways so it doesn't really matter. Besides manufacturing the news seems alright for FOX why not CBS (oh snap did I just say that? damn skippy!).

Hugo Chavez is a giant douche

2007-11-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=071116220433.1m13cugk&show_article=1

Correction a giant fake socialist douche.

Despite the tuition and grades required to go there, NYU students might actually be stupid.

2007-11-14T23:54:00.000-08:00

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1107/6892.html

So 20% of students at NYU will give up there right to vote for an iPod Touch. Worse than that 66% would give up right to vote for 1 year of tuition. I'm sure these are the same students that hang out in their dorm common rooms discussing how terrible the world is and how much they hate America, and how awesome Descartes is, while sipping there Starbucks Caramel Macchiatos. If these people are so apathetic towards the process of democracy maybe they should move to a country where it doesn't exist. I hear Cuba is nice, and there education is payed for by the government.

WGA is a bunch of pirates....

2007-11-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

The WGA steals from my own flesh and blood... Observe exhibits A and B (A is on the left). The first is from IGN.com (see i give credit) and the second is from Cafepress.com. Now I wouldn't normally care except that the cafepress.com image was created over a year ago and I know how much these writer's care about palgiarism. Just look at that shirt of the guy on the left. Boo on you Writer's Guild.... Boo on you. http://www.Cafepress.com/zliberal
Where is the solidarity for all those who produce creative things....

MONKEY RAMPAGE!!!!

2007-11-13T21:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=071113065725.yech1gw9&show_article=1

The capital of India is under siege! By a vast monkey army! I really feel I don't need to comment on this as the article pretty much speaks for itself. Though the best part is that there primary method of driving the monkeys away is by using, wait for it.... BIGGER MONKEYS! BRILLIANT!

Something Paris Hilton Should Have Endorsed....

2007-11-13T21:05:00.000-08:00

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,23663,22756513-10388,00.html?from=mostpop

So it was incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was attempting to bring the plight of drunk Indian elephants into the world consciousness. I for one wish this story was true but alas she claims it is not. Oh well. Plenty of time left in the day for Paris Hilton to do something else dumb.

Saudis Reject OPEC Raise, Greasy Fast Food Restaurants Cry

2007-11-12T16:01:00.001-08:00

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/a22562ba-914c-11dc-9590-0000779fd2ac.html?nclick_check=1

So oil is getting a little expensive... so what? Saudi oil minister doesn't want to increase output of petroleum? Oh butterscotch! They will be meeting next month in Abu Dhabi to discuss any future changes in output or supply shortages. More likely they are trying to figure out how best to capitalize on this situation before their customers realize there are other parts of the world with oil. I have no doubt that they will find the best possible method for exploitation with the help of the world's largest company, ExxonMobil. Boo....

Superferry! still stuck in Oahu....

2007-11-08T14:30:00.000-08:00

http://www.bizjournals.com/pacific/stories/2007/11/05/daily28.html

What's the big deal with Humpback Whales anyways? So they get hit by the boats or something.... big deal! I've had just about enough of these humpback whales causing problems for this awesome superferry. I need to be able to drive my car from one Hawaiian Island to another. Shame on you whales... stopping progress. Boo...

Democracy works! (sort of....)

2007-11-06T18:16:00.000-08:00

I remember way back in the 90s when I took US history (does that make me sound old?). There was a chapter that talked about checks and balances (or so I think.. Im kinda making this up). I was so excited to know that there was in place a way of making sure not too much power ws concentrated in one branch. Ah the naivete of youth. That was of course before the supreme court certified a national election, the executive branch continually provided false information to push their agenda, and no vetoes were given out for the first few years. Well here comes The Congress! Bushy decided that a $22.3 bilion bill (because he knows thats a big number... except when its applied to the Middle East and then its basically minimum wage, right?) that dealt with water projects needed to be vetoed. Keep in mind that the city of Atlanta is currently extremely close to a massive drought. But Bush says no! Them demycrats is always just a taxin' and spending ya know. Well the House overrode the veto by quite a few votes because they are not stupid. The Senate is likely to folow suit as they voted 86-11 the first time (i think.. look it up.. im too lazy). The White House doesnt think this will set precedent, but then again look whos runnig it...

Google Slaps Apple... and Apple pretends to not pay attention

2007-11-05T13:32:00.000-08:00

http://www.news.com/Google-unveils-cell-phone-software-and-alliance/2100-1039_3-6217001.html?tag=newsmap

For all the greatness of the iPhone, Apple still treats it like a child. It's not allowed to have un-licensed programs, not allowed to stay up late, or drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. Here comes Google, fresh off it's $700/share last week, with it's cool kid, who gets to hang out past 10pm and has hippy parents. Do whatever you want, man! Here's my kid, let him explore the world and get down. Apple is too busy convincing people that they have the greatest piece of technology ever that they refuse to innovate or collaborate. Yay google, boo apple...

Oboooooma strikes again! Clinton not supposed to want to win!

2007-11-04T20:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/03/AR2007110300893_pf.html

Apparently politicians change their mind to better reflect positions they think Americans will identify with. How dare they, says Obama. Clinton is out of touch with "ordinary" Americans. He is the people's politician. I might agree with him since he thinks constantly whining about Clinton is what they want to hear. Americans definitely like to whine, so I tip my hat to you Obama, for representing the ordinary person.

Will Bush Intervene on Writer's Strike?

2007-11-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/hollywood-writers-strike-starts-monday/

So the writer's are a-strikin'! (see it sounds cooler if you put it that way) and Hollywood is shakin' (the letter "g" at the end of a gerund is stupid). Everyone knows (who is a super-cool and totally not dorky politico) that a president can nullify a strike. But will he? Will Bush miss his new episodes of CSI once the directors burn through extra scripts? One can only hope. Things get a mighty lonely in the White House Residence with only reality television on... he might have to talk to his wife!

I for one just pray (by which I mean not) that this strike ends before February 08 when Lost starts back up. I need to know who Jacob is!!!

South Carolina says it, too cool for Stephen Colbert

2007-11-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

South Carolina is not doin itself any favors. we all remember that state fondly... Site of Sen Strom Thurmond, (in)famous racist who fathered a child with an African-American (i think he was from this Carolina- im too lazy to check, or use capitalization). Site of needless tobacco farmers. But it wont be the site of a Colbert Presidential run. Despite the fact that he filed his paperwork on time and payed his fee (a whopping 2500.000- the extra zeroes make it look like a larger number), but the state democratic party voted 13-3 to keep him off the ballot. Their reason? Would you believe they don't consider him a legitimate national candidate? After Tuesday's democratic debate Im not sure that I consider Kucinich a legitimate candidate, going on about UFOs and whatnot... sheesh! Whats the worse that could happen, South Carolina? Someone might confuse your state for one that can take a joke? Nope. Instead we can all be reminded state party officials still have sticks up all their respective butts. At least Colbert will get his check returned.... justice.

Smokey the Bear upset that stupid little brat didn't listen; goes on a mauling rampage.

2007-10-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/31/boy-admits-to-starting-one-of-the-wildfires/?hp

So turns out some stupid kid with matches set the fire that burned a few hundred thousand acres.. fantastic.

Boo-urns, Mr. (President? Is he really? Man... 2009 can't come soon enough) Bush... Boo-urns...

2007-10-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/bush-blasts-house-for-wasting-time-on-investigations-2007-10-30.html

Bush is whining about Congress not doing enough, you know, being too wrapped up in "investigating" his administration, or "trying to pull troops out of Iraq". They should be getting back to important things like, preventing Satellite Radio mergers, or sending bills for child healthcare to him so he can veto them. Bush goes on to criticize "tax and spend" Democrats who can't push a bill through without including a tax hike. Democrats want to spend $250 billion over the next 5 years!!!!!!! (look at all those exclamations to show how shocked!) Meanwhile Bush continually asks for money to fund the war in Iraq (didn't he ask for $50 billion or so not that long ago)? And so Congressional oversight into how that money is spent? How dare they! The president should be given a check and get to spend it however he wants, it's his allowance after all, and he did his chores (swept the dust under the rug). I say if Bush wants more money for his dumbness he should look under the couch cushions, or maybe if he's really good and takes out the trash, Congress will give him a little extra this week to give to his friend, Halliburton.

Is the movie Love Actually a non-racist version of Crash?

2007-10-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

Think about it... and I will to.

The Terminator says, "I'll be back... for more weed."

2007-10-29T13:13:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071029/ap_on_re_eu/schwarzenegger_marijuana_1

Take that Republo-facists! One of your own has declared with his vast knowledge of pharmacology that marijuana is, and I quote, "just a leaf". So there! Remember when weed just caused you to shoot your friends in the face or run over children on bicycles (oh those commercials against drug use, how do they come up with such clever premises)?

I'm sure the quote is out of context or whatever, but it's nice to see that some people (who are probably self-medicating with alcohol and prescription drugs) don't have a huge stick up their ass about marijuana. However, it is still very good at causing laziness and stomach aches.

Gerald Ford was kind of an asshole

2007-10-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/wn_report/2007/10/28/2007-10-28_newsers_book_ford_saw_clinton_as_a_sex_a.html

I know he has passed a way and shouldn't be lambasted because of respect for the dead or whatever, but seriously what a giant tool! A new book about off-the-record conversations with Gerald Ford, has come out. In it the author makes it clear that Ford had a problem with Clinton's "skirt chasing" (seriously could he sound like more of an old fuddy-duddy?), and that he viewed him as "soft" on foreign-policy issues. Of all the people to criticize Clinton, a two-term president, who did not involve us in a protracted war in either the Middle East or Southeast Asia (there were troops in Bosnia, but you can't even compare it). Let's take a look at Ford's wonderful executive legacy. He was the 2nd VP of Nixon's because Agnew resigned, for about a year, and then he was president for about 2.5 more. His entire participation in the executive branch of government was less than 1 term. He's the only president to be considered a lame-duck on inauguration day (Im making that up). He lost to a peanut farmer! (I happen to like Carter.) So what was his presidential legacy? Oh that's right.. pardoning flippin' Nixon! What a sack of crap. And the worst part of the article? The last line where he states, "America isn't ready for a Lady President." Lady President? What is this 1950? Female Candidate? That sounds better. He thought Clinton had a sex addiction? He obviously had a stupid addiction and refused to ever get treated for it.

Obama... more like Obooooma

2007-10-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/28/us/politics/28obama.html?ei=5065&en=364aa6d16277ceb1&ex=1194148800&partner=MYWAY&pagewanted=print

How do those sour grapes taste Senator Obama? Yeah taste pretty good? Taste like a fine wine? Boo to you Obama, and now you're playing one of the oppositions favorite games, make the other person look like they have no agenda or "flip-flop" on issues. As though there is any politician that is 100% in their convictions all the time. I wish that were true, but the human organism is flawed.

Obama seems to think that by bashing Hillary's positions on social security or the war or whatever else he can think of, will somehow endear him to his constituents. I know maybe I'm living in a dream state, but wasn't Obama supposed to be the nice guy. Remember 2004? When he gave the stirring speech at the DNC? He just comes off callous now, with less than 3 years in national government experience, chastising another legislator, who has voted more than him in the last year. I believe a couple of weeks ago he was up in New Hampshire stumping for votes and condemned Clinton for voting to recognize an Iranian Group as a terrorist organization. However, he himself did not vote but said he "would have" voted against it had he been there. So really, why did Obama become a Senator if he really just wanted to be president? He saw it as a stepping stone, but a "stepping" stone is just that. I have yet to see him actually step into a legislative role.

Bill Clinton Lays the Smackdown on Douchebaggy Heckler

2007-10-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2007/10/26/sot.bill.clinton.heckler.kare

note: you may have to sit through a commercial before it

This was sent to me by my friend and could not be a funnier piece of tv. Courtesy of CNN, Bill Clinton recently gave a speech in Minnesota for his wife's campaign and was continually harrassed by an audience member saying that 9/11 was a hoax and that Clinton belongs to the Bohemian Club.

Clinton's Response? "Oh that's where all those Republicans stand around naked with the Redwoods, no I've never been there."

This man is a genius and he smacks the guy down pretty quickly. Even if you don't like what Hillary stands for, vote for her anyways, if only to get Bill making more speeches. Now that he's not president his political correctness and politeness for retardation have ended and he is speaking his mind. Vote for first lady Bill!

President Bush is Afraid Governor Schwarzenegger is Going to Kick His Ass after school

2007-10-26T10:23:00.001-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/26/us/26bush.html?ei=5065&en=063b5039b5821d25&ex=1193976000&partner=MYWAY&pagewanted=print

Sometimes it feels as though Bush is going to get beat up after school in the playground by our esteemed governor. Both were in southern California trying to deal with the fires. The governor used it as an opportunity to say he was proud of the president's response to the disaster as compared to his lackadaisical attitude towards Katrina 2 years ago. Problem is, it doesn't really make you look that great when you are rushing into to deal with the people of privilege in Malibu yet ignoring the people of New Orleans even to this day. Horrible horribleness... The best thing to happen though was Schwarzenegger speaking for the president, saying they would both stay until the job was done, and Bush not doing anything to stop him.

Cinematic Version of Iraq War even less popular than Real One

2007-10-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.washingtontimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071025/NATION/110250083/1002

I know film makers are trying to be with the times, and to present their works as art, but that doesn't mean that people want to watch that. Do you really need a false representation of the war (I don't mean false in the fact that they are not realistic, but they are contrived. No matter how good the actors of lenses, they are not documentaries, they are scripted). The other problem is that making films about current events does not translate well to a broad audience. In essence, many people want to not worry or want to ignore current events in their lives, especially in this country (because we are isolationist, arrogant, and somewhat retarded- at least in attention to things other than accumulation of personal wealth and property). Historically I can't think of single movie like this that has performed well. Just last year we saw the release of United 93 and World Trade Center, both which combined made around $100 million. Now that in itself is nothing to "bler" at, but compared to releases like Pirates of the Caribbean, it's pittance. Studios are also less likely to take on the subject matter and so many others are simple independent projects with shaky premises (premiseye?) and uneven acting.

Look up in the sky: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a Chinese Death Satellite?

2007-10-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8SETSN80&show_article=1

China has launched a satellite under the auspices of navigating the moon for an eventual manned mission. Of course, Human Rights Groups (what do they know?) are upset because China has two ships and a nuclear submarine communicating with the satellite. The U.S. had a similar "defense" system in development in the 1980s, Star Wars (yes the movie was funded by the Dept. of Defense, sure why not?) Analysts now see the deployment of the satellite as the first step towards a cosmic Chinese knock-off (I'm sure someone said that, it's such an easy joke after all) capable of showering us non-communists with weapony goodness. This is all speculation though as China is more likely to use this as an excuse to build a moonbase, thus ripping off the plot of the second Austin Powers movie. "Laser"

The best part of this story would be to find out the rocket and satellite were covered in lead paint and contained thousands of tiny magnets that toddlers could choke on.

Bush not controlling emissions (not even from himself)

2007-10-23T20:01:00.001-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/24/nyregion/24emissions.html?ref=us

Yeah I made a stupid fart joke. I'm immature what can I say? Really what is hilarious is that a bunch of states are suing, yes you read that right, suing the Bush administration for not living up to curbing emissions of vehicles. Specifically, they will sue the EPA (which for years has been one of those organizations that thinks it can claim environmentalism by name only) for blocking initiatives to curb emissions. I mean c'mon! (I know I say that quite often). The EPA (it needs to be large to hammer in the point) stopped California from implementing a law to lower (for shit's sake lowering!!!!!!!!!!) emissions. What kind of retardation does it take to say no to things that protect the environment. This is absolutely unacceptable! This shows you just how tight and entrenched business is with this administration (waaaaahhh we don't want to lower emissions cause then we will have to actually develop new technology... boooooo... boooooooooooo). This is so frustrating. I need to stop writing, since it is turning into a rant.

Addendum: Apparently certain technologies have existed since the 70s and are unwilling to be used because too much money is invested on maintaining high oil use cars.

England Refuses to Win the Race to Morbid Obesity, Bows to the United States

2007-10-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23417825-details/Make+all+staff+exercise+for+an+hour%2C+says+top+health+adviser/article.do

England wants to have their staff exercise for an hour during the work day to promote a healthier population. Since they have a socialized health care system it's probably in their best interest to have it's citizens in better physical condition. Well thank god we live in the United States where we can eat ourselves into oblivion, until we can no longer fit through the door, and we can complain about "fat genes" and "glandular problems". Yes 65% of Americans have a glandular problem, it's not their fault, they are trying really.... And then our corporate health care system can deny them coverage saying that they are at risk for too many things. Oh what a country.... It will be a cold day in Hell (or Wyoming, my own personal Hell, no just kidding, I wouldn't want to offend the 3 people that live in that state, seriously how can they have legislative representation, they should lose one of their senators for being so unpopulated) before Americans have an exercise hour. Until then their exercise will be searching for change in their ashtray at the Drive-Thru window, and moving around the crap in their car so it can fit a 64 oz. soda.

Federal Researve says to US Economy, "We got your back, dog"

2007-10-22T13:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8SEC4NG0&show_article=1

Dow Jones got you down? Crude prices seem a little high? Never fear! The Federal Reserve Bank is Here! You know them, right? The one that used to be run by a frumpy looking leprechaun (that's a terrible thing to say about Alan Greenspan... or is it?). Well everyone can take a deep breath and know that the economy is safe for one more day. The "Fed" has promised to keep America afloat by lowering interest rates should the stock market continue to fall. I can't decide whether I'm excited or not? Lower interest rates seem cool I guess, I mean they are lower. Then again it's still up to your bank to decide what your interest rate will be (I'm looking at you college freshman who got too many credit cards..) I'll do whatever they want. If they want me to continue blindly purchasing expensive items I think I need, then sobeit (I always imagined this as one word).

Just so you know, Giuliani says you can trust him... no really! You with the God-loving, Giuliani is your man... seriously!

2007-10-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/10/20/gop.values.ap/index.html

Values, bro! Giuliani gots them all. You need the pro-God thing? Maybe a sprinkle of Jesus? Giuliani has every recipe.

Ok I was stretching with that metafer but I guess Giuliani is feeling the conservative pressure. I know it's hard for him having to "play to the base" so to speak but I'm surprised it took him this long to make a statement. What's truly deplorable is the fact that there are enough people in this country that believe only a strong spiritual/moral leader can be president and that anything less doesn't deserve either their respect or their vote.

The best part of this cnn.com article was that it opened up the following window:

http://cnnpromos.com/DR/

Yay! Kick ass Dominican Republic golf vacation! And look, there's not a single amount of poverty evident in that picture. As Charlie Brown would say, "Good grief."

News of the Oddness Variety: Monkey Attack kills Indian Official

2007-10-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/10/21/asia/AS-GEN-India-Monkey-Menace.php

No matter how much anyone wants to complain about the United States I am pretty sure there was never a wild rhesus monkey attack that killed an elected official. New Delhi Deputy Mayor S.S. Bajwa, fell from a balcony after being attacked by a gang (don't know what a group of monkeys is called... a gaggle?) of rhesus macaques at his home. This is of course a terrible tragedy for his family, but it does seem odd as well. I'm not sure how I would react if I saw multiple monkeys coming towards me acting openly aggressive. Maybe throw a banana (I wasn't going to eat them anyways, I hate bananas).

If Piracy is wrong then so should be Ninjary

2007-10-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

http://business.guardian.co.uk/story/0,,2195407,00.html

Think about it.... When was the last time a Ninja-themed website was shut down. Long live Tv-links.

And Iran, Iran so far away...

2007-10-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/21/world/middleeast/21iran.html?hp

The US wants to attack Iran because they are pursuing a nuclear program.... check!

Iran's Nuclear Envoy is seen as moderate towards the West.... check!

Iran's Nuclear Envoy resigns during nuclear negotiations.... crap!

Well now that he's resigned the voice of moderation has resigned with him. It's ok right? Cause they have moderate people running the government. Certainly not radical fundamentalists of any kind? Oh wait... no. Between the president and the Ayatollah, pretty sure we got the "West-hating" covered for that country.

Well if Bush couldn't find nuclear material in Iraq, maybe he can in Iran. Of course Iran is actually a nation, instead of a loose collection of warring factions artificially created by by Britain.

All I can say is... aww... crap-balls....

When the Germans are criticizing your rhetoric you know it's time to back off a bit..

2007-10-19T15:24:00.001-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=upiUPI-20071019-141929-5130&show_article=1

Bush and Putin have been brikmanning (thats not a word) themselves for the past few weeks, going back and forth about who has the bigger package. In a statement Bush said, "Hell you've seen me on that aircraft carrier, 'Mission Accomplished', check out that bulge! Kick ass!". Putin responded with, "$%#^DC...." sorry my keyboard can't type the cyrillic alphabet, but I have no doubt he responded in kind (what the hell does that mean anyways, "in kind").

German politicians have complained that this sort of "package comparison" is too reminiscent of Cold War uber-bravado (see they said that cause they are German, but the 'u' is supposed to have two dots over it, but again my keyboard doesn't have an oooomlout key either). Take the advice of the Germans and calm the eff down, the both of yous.

P.S. This has nothing to do with what the article is actually about, I am merely trying to determine the words they "aren't" saying.

P.P.S Bush's package was padded.

P.P.P.S I'm not sure why I'm using postscripts as this is not a letter...

Christians fear they are losing the youth market to spiderman

2007-10-18T11:34:00.001-07:00

http://www.bibleman.com/

Oh jebus help me. This is hilarious. I recommend taking a few minutes to peruse this site to see how awesome this guy is. "A hero transformed by the Word of God" ....nuff said.

Proof that a Nobel Prize can Still make you Dumber than a sack of bricks

2007-10-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/10/18/science.race/

The discovery of the double-helix structure of DNA is no doubt one of the most important scientific breakthroughs in the history of humanity. Even after 50 years we are still benefiting in many ways with genetic somethings and blahs. Well Dr. Watson, American scientist, and one of those to make that discovery has decided to spew out nonsense about his ideas of evolution and intelligence. What are his claims? Why that some how those of African descent are less intelligent than people from other parts of the world. He says they did some testing to find this out and that it should be perfectly obvious to anyone that he is correct. That somehow intelligence is based on geographic location. This might be one of the most ridiculous, ludicrous, preposterous (and many more words ending with -ous) statements I have ever heard. Gee do you think maybe they tested lower cause they don't billions of dollars invested in an education system? Do you think maybe it's because there is no Oxford equivalent in Botswana? No! Rather than blame the Europeans who came in and raped the lands of Africa for their own benefits, leaving in their wake a system of corrupt warlords who do nothing for their people. Instead let's blame the fact that they just aren't smart enough to figure out what's going on in the world. Why accept any sort of responsibility when you can blame evolution? Yeah.... I guess that by giving them an IQ test (probably in English) is a good enough measure of their intelligence. Who needs actual proof when you can just say, "studies have shown" (the go-to phrase for people who want to legitimize their stupid theories). We might as well blame everything on evolution. I should be able to punch people without consequence because I am more evolved, or... I only have one wisdom tooth so I should get a 50% discount on my taxes, cause I am the future. Stupid... stupid.... stupid.

Right-Wing Pundits get a free shot after Liberal Talk Show co-host says something stupid

2007-10-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2007/10/17/2007-10-17_air_america_host_denies_being_the_victim.html

Air America, bastion of the liberal (progressive) talk show hosts, released a statement claiming that host Randi Rhodes was not attacked Sunday night while walking her dog Simon (important information, I know!). Her stupidly stupid co-host on Tuesday speculated as to whether the right-wing had decided to attack her because she was a threat to them. Seriously? What the $#%^ (fill-in with your swear word of choice, mine is "glarp")? Saying things like that just gives conservative talk-show hosts crap to latch on to. It's like a bunch of jackals (wait no jackals might be too smart for this metaphor to work), it's like a bunch of cockroaches just waiting for the last piece of pizza to be left out on the counter before you go to sleep. Just keep your mouth shut from now on, you're just ruining the progressive (ugh.. i hate that word) movement for the rest of us.

Looks like Thanksgiving is coming Early to the Middle East: Turkey to Attack Northern Iraq

2007-10-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7049348.stm

Oooooh a link from the BBC! How erudite.

So Turkey's MPs (which I can only assume stands for Marshmallow Pixies) have decided to send troops into Northern Iraq to combat Kurdish insurgents who seem to like continually bombing Turkey. Bush is upset at Turkey for wanting to go into Iraq, and at the same time is upset at the US congress for wanting to pass a resolution against Turkey. What is this resolution? Some sort of thing designed to keep more foreign soldiers from going into Iraq? No, it's a resolution to formally recognize the Armenian Genocide from 1915-1917 where the Turkish government killed around 1.5 million Armenians. Bush is afraid the Turks will get upset and cry about it. I say let Turkey do what it wants. Iraq is not America's annexed territory, it is still a sovereign nation (sort of). How hippocritical of us to tell people not to go there, even when they are being attacked. At least Turkey doesn't claim to have found yellow-cake uranium.

Republicans in the House are being(are) dumb (yeah I said it)

2007-10-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

Another day another tax issue put forth in Congress. This time it was an extension to the 'no tax' ridiculousnessness (so ridiculous I had to invent a new word- I think..) that the internet companies currently enjoy. So they decided to give it another 4 years before examining the idea again (that's a looooooong time in the House). Now I understand that the internets (so aptly described by Senator Ted "Bridge-to-nowhere, Alaska" Stevens as a "series of tubes") is relatively new (geologically speaking) so to promote lower prices with a tax break (is 0 a break?) seems like a good idea (meh....) The bill passed 405-2, so it was unlikely any sort of partisanship was an issue (well there's a first time for everything). However Republi-dumbs as these reps. should be known (as opposed to Democr-awesomes), think there should be a permanent ban on charging local or state taxes on internet service, to help all those struggling small businesses (like AT&T or Comcast) survive in this cruel economic environment (wait Bush said the economy was goin' strong under his presidency... shit!).

Here's a thought. Maybe instead of not charging tax for internet service which, let's face it, is only used to look at porn and read stupid blogs (not this one of course) they shouldn't charge tax on education textbooks (school... yay!). Bottom-line, republicans are so blindingly big business that they actually consider ridiculous (see, using the same word from the beginning to tie the article together. That's literary cohesion... and I'm an ass) things like permanent bans on anything. How can someone be so asinine to think that times and society will never change? Then again, just look at the 2nd ammendment...

Gore Pimp-Slaps conservatives... Nobel-Style!

2007-10-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.businessandmedia.org/articles/2007/20071016123925.aspx

An excerpt from the today's Republican Party Leadership Meeting:

Well crap! Now we've got to listen to him. He's a Nobel (noble as well I suppose) Peace Prize winner. Crap damn crap. Socialized health care is a right? Shit.... what are we going to do now. See Hillary we can handle. We'll just call her a lesbian in a sham of a marriage. We can play the values card. But now that Gore is endorsing her? Shit! People are gonna listen to him, he's untouchable right now. Why wont he just run for president. Then we can steal the election fair and square... not that we did last time.. it was certified by the supreme court something, something. Well I guess we can always claim Hillary lied about being in a swift boat, worked last time.

There are too many slow people in grocery stores...

2007-10-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

I was in the grocery store (Trader Joe's is awesome) and I got into a line with 2 people behind an old woman (first mistake), even though there was an express line (second mistake). The express lane had no less than 10 people in line so I thought I had found the golden ticket (Willy Wonka is awesome too). The old woman was up, I was almost home free with my Vitamin Water (Lemonade is awesome three) and organic unsalted chunky peanut butter (cause I'm a hippie liberal douche, but it's important I'm trying to paint a picture) and then the fun began. First she wanted to split her order for some unknown reason (probably even to her) and lame-o "I hate my job and so I'm putting my misery upon you", decided to scoff at her which made her oh so pleasant to deal with for the next 5 minutes. Then of course she decided she needed a refund cause she didn't like her strawberry bars of crap, or something.

Needless to say I came upon a realization. Why is it everyone always has the same issue when they go into the store. They always think it's an isolated incident. Except, there are probably 100 instances a day in every grocery store in the country. Some people just don't like to be quick about anything. Maybe they are old and want attention. Though even the ones who aren't old, still like to be slow. I know this is not incredibly insightful but I was frustrated and needed to vent. Blah!

People that wave you through stop signs are assholes

2007-10-15T21:53:00.001-07:00

This is a completely ridiculous thing to complain about I know but I have to believe everyone goes through this. You get stuck at a stop sign at the same time as someone else and even though they are on the right and have the "right" of way, you get a nice pretentious hand signal from the doucher in the next car over "allowing" you to pass through the intersection via their own pure benevolence. Well thank you, your excellency, for allowing us plebeians to grace the road that you deem worthy enough to drive on... ass.

McCain thinks he's Hillary, well the older (by a few years), crazier (like a fox), balder (yes...), more Vietcong-hating, Hillary

2007-10-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/10/11/mccain.healthcare.ap/index.html

McCain has a health-care plan! Dun dun dun dun dun dun dah! I know right? Who thought? But it's not one of those commie social universal health care plans, like some people... (you know who you are... hippie!). Instead it's more like a revamping of the current system with lower costs and some such. Yeah cause that's exactly what big business hospitals and health insurance companies want, lower prices. This was startin' to smell awfully democraty... but wait! I see a tax-credit in there! Thank Jebus that's there. I was starting to get worried. You did not disappoint McCain. Semper fi good buddy (I'm not sure McCain was a marine, maybe he was in the air force. I didn't care enough to look it up.)

Time to make a car the runs on Vitamin Water

2007-10-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8S9QVE00&show_article=1

That's right, pretty soon oil will be more expensive than Vitamin Water (VitWater to the cool kids, but I am not cool... obviously), and much less delicious (unless you like unrefined petroleum.. maybe you do? I'm not one to judge). Oil futures hit $86 a barrel today inching closer and closer to the early 1980s price of $101 (adjusted for inflation- duh) sending the world into a frenzy! No wait it didn't really. But people are still whining. I'm all for higher oil prices, but I think the money should be in taxes from the government (boo taxes?), not in profits from Exxon-Mobil (who continually post records every quarter).

I can complain and complain about gas being higher but truth is Americans can afford it. Just buy less crap. Less toys, less dvds, less clothes you only wear once. We all over-consume to the point of nausea. I am no better but the first step is realization. However, I refuse to give up Vitamin Water as I need to get my potassium in (I hate bananas) and relish (and ketchup) the fact that 10% of the company is owned by rapper (is there another kind of) 50-cent.

The Bill of Rights does not Include a Smoking Clause

2007-10-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/10/14/ED44SOEJB.DTL

Waaah. I want to smoke everywhere and you are trying to prevent me from doing so. Granted the above article is opinion piece about why smoking shouldn't be banned, but really should you be complaining that your right to smoke is in jeopardy.

Schwarzenegger this week signed a bill to make smoking in the cars with minors a $100 fine and people are gettin' all uppity (yeah I said uppity). I'm pretty sure that smoking didn't somehow become as important as the right to due process or right to assembly (maybe it happened yesterday, I woke up late). I know that people believe that they should be able to do whatever they want because it's their children, blah, blah. However, for the same reason you shouldn't be able to do anything else the compromises the safety of your children, you shouldn't be smoking in their vicinity in the car. I guess if you really need to smoke you can always pull over, as long as its not in front of a federal building.

Weekend Wiki: October 14th edition

2007-10-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Caribbean Examinations Council:

The most surprising thing about this article isn't its content but that content for it actually exists (that was a convoluted way of saying that). Apparently it has something to do with examinations for the British Commonwealth. It's like a really lame version of the ETS who distributes examinations in the United States. Maybe this is the council that you reference when you're trying to validate that M.D. you got in Grenada.

Hinduism in the Netherlands:

Who knew this article existed? Touche wikipedia... touche. I got nothing. It is a "stub" though, which is cool, or so I think (I don't know what a stub is, except when I hit my toe against something).

White-tailed Spider:

Yay! Everyone loves a spider! And who knew spiders had tails? Well this one does. But it can't kill you, which is nice, but it can cause a pussy something to form, which is not. The best part? They hunt for other spiders. So if you ever find yourself in New Zealand or Australia, watch out (18 hour flight just to get bitten by a spider hiding in some dead leaves after you get off the plane).

New(ish) Blog for me to think about writing in (now with less conservating hating... maybe.)

2007-10-13T17:39:00.001-07:00

http://paragraphperdiem.blogspot.com/

Please visit the sister(brother?) blog of this site, a literary thought experiment called "One paragraph at a time" where I will try to write a (cohesive) story one paragraph per day. I know it sounds like an incredibly elitist, self-centered exercise, but it's not the worst idea in the world (attacking Iran.... ok i'll stop) it forces you to think after all (hopefully not too hard, don't want a headache). I started this about a year and half ago on myspace(boo myspace, everyone hates it, boo, but notice it stays lower-case like, god).

Former Iraq Forces Commander Admits, "Well Shit I Guess It Really Wasn't That Great an Idea"

2007-10-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/10/13/iraq.sanchez/index.html

Remember 2003? When the craziness in the Middle East started? Well in what's becoming the usual course for this administration, people no longer connected to them are spilling their guts and holding back nothing. He goes so far as to say American political leaders have a "lust for power" but then sidelines by the end claiming it is a lack of bipartisanship that is keeping the war from ending. Bull freakin' crap! Every time he mentions American leadership he is talking about Bush who continually managed to screw up at every possible opportunity. It's all well and good to blame the legislature for not getting along or voting to increase funding or complaining about the war. But really how can they be expected to make an informed decision based on manufactured intelligence.... ok I need to stop before this gets to liberal-crazy (you know the kind that Anne Coulter hates so much- or so she claims). It's just great that all these people who are following the orders of the Commander-in-Chief are the first ones to complain after they "retire".

Catholics hate Atheists (Who knew?)

2007-10-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

Oh Catholic League when will you learn? No one is ever going to take you seriously if you doing stupid shit like this. Say you hate a movie after it comes out at least. Don't protest two months prior. You have no idea what the movie is about just that it is based on a book that dares to say that organized religion is perhaps not always as altruistic as it pretends to be. I get it you don't want the movie to brainwash your children. Instead you prefer to do the brain-washing for them, so that you can be secure in the fact that you didn't waste your life and money in service of a god (lowercase!!! oh no! someone will surely smite me. Oh wait.. no) who doesn't respond to all the worship you give him. I can claim I'm atheist but truthfully I know no more about what is truly binding the universe together than those who claim a higher power. Something balances the universe, not between good and evil, but energy wise. There is a finite amount of energy in the universe and it must have come from somewhere. It's not enough to just say one being of omnipotence created everything, that's too easy an explanation, a cosmic cop-out.

The Catholic League wants the movie banned for its atheistic undertones. However, listen to this quote from an article about the movie's director, Chris Weitz:

"However, Weitz attempted to reassure fans by saying that religion would appear in euphemistic terms. He also indicated that he believes His Dark Materials is 'not an atheistic work, but a highly spiritual and reverent piece of writing'"

So boo on you for stopping spirituality. The argument for religious doctrine when you ask for proof is always faith. So why not have a little faith that there might be a more complete explanation. But bottom-line.... its a movie... based on a book.... a fictional book..... so pull your head out your ass and just don't see it if you want to. I realize that the only fiction you do is the Bible (oh snap! no he didn't) or stupid installments of the "Left Behind Series". I guess if the Catholic League did that they might have to deal with the fact that they have no real power.

Russia Trying Desparately to Stay Relevant in International Affairs

2007-10-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN1146001620071012?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews&rpc=22&sp=true

"Me United States.. me need missile shield... protect me from bad men."

"Me Russia... me thinks missile shield is too agressive... Me want to pull out of treaty... wah wah wah.."

So Russia is pissed that they aren't the big kid on the international stage and get about as much attention as their former bloc nations. Communism caught up with them, their economy collapsed, and now they want respect 16 years later. It certainly doesn't help that they seem to have a spoiled little brat of an ex-KGB running their country. I don't mean to say Putin isn't an effective leader, but that little problem the US has with ignoring domestic issues, Russia seems to have 10-fold. No one is going to attack Russia... period. They are 1/6 the landmass on this planet and already survived 2 World Wars where they lost millions of their population. I think the missile shield is just as stupid but it seems to be failing all the time anyways so I don't think Russia has anything to worry about. Plus, theoretically it's a defensive weapon, as it only activates in the event a missile gets within "x" miles of the US border. Personally I wouldn't trust Russia to have complete control over its missiles anyways since half of them aren't even within their borders.

Whatever the reason, Russia doesn't need to pull out of Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty. There's no reason to be pulling out of any treaties that stop nuclear proliferation. Boo on you Russia... boooooooo.

Al Gore Joins the World Stage and Invents Peace

2007-10-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8S7PGAO0&show_article=1

"Peace suckas, I'm out!" I only wish that's what Al Gore had said upon receiving the news about his Nobel. Well this has fueled rampant (rampant I say! rampant!) speculation that he will run for the democratic nomination, Gore himself has said time and again it is at best a "remote" possibility. As great as I think Al Gore as president would be, I already voted for him once and was disappointed, and I feel Al himself could not go through another heartbreak such as that (poor little Al, at least the envrionment loves you, or so I would hope).

I can hear the right-wing pundits now praising an American for winning the Peace prize yet not acknowledging who the actual recipient was. "Americans rule, take that every one else promoting peace" (I'm looking squarely at you Bono.... glaringly so). Well now the Grand Ole' Al has a Nobel to hang out with his Oscar. I'll bet he fantasizes at night that when he's asleep they frollick around and have kick ass raves where they invite over Sean Penn's humanitarian awards and Susan Sarandon's certificates of merit to have a liberal love-fest.

I say good for you Al and good for you whatever country gives out the Nobel Prize (Ukraine? Kazakhstan? No I'm pretty sure its some Scandinavian Country). But seriously, it's nice that once a year we can remember that Sweden is known for something other than making awesomely cheap and durable (sort of) furniture with "no-word" instructions.

Tax Cuts are Retarded (like short bus)

2007-10-11T15:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1007/6250.html

Wait are you saying that tax cuts are slow? No I am saying tax cuts are stupid, especially considering federal spending goes up every single year (I'm looking at you, Iraq War) and doesn't seem to show signs of curtailing. With almost 300 million people in this country you would think we could pay for the shit we need to run the country properly(oh wait though its that want thing not really need). Now I will admit that I am an over-consumer, but again the purpose of my job is not have funny to buy crap. Maybe if I was a stock broker, or a corporate lawyer, but no. It's nice to be able to buy things and I get slightly perturbed when I read my pay statements and see the federal tax coming out. But c'mon, the wages are artificially inflated to take tax into account.

So Democrats in Congress want to overhaul the tax system to you know pay for some of this stuff that Republicans keep insisting we need (apparently not armor on the tanks, but anti-ballistic missile systems to shoot down nuclear bombs from the soviet... i mean china... i mean north korea? maybe Iran?) all this technology to protect ourselves. Yet they also continually lower taxes. It's like a seesaw and there's always this fat kid weighing down one side. Instead of putting a fat kid on the other side to balance, the put him (there are fat girls too, I don't mean to be sexist) on the same side. So Bush wants alternative minimum tax (AMT) repealed (there's your retardedness) by 2010 (we will lose $800 billion in tax revenue right there). The Democrats want to increase taxes (shock horror) on couples making 200k a year or more (but only by 4%). So that's 15 less trips to P.F. Chang's you yuppie bastards. But in reality the taxes will most affect those making over $1 million per year! Currently they are on track to pay for about 8% of the tax burden. If the overhaul happens they will be responsible for 58% of the tax burden. Extremely wealthy people need to stop thinking that they should be treated like everyone else. Its not as though them paying 4% more in taxes is going to destroy them financially (certainly a lot less than the 50% no-prenup tax most of them pay anyways). They are just too much into Ayn Rand to understand that society does not exist just for them. They want to live in the country so they should stop abusing loop-holes. I will gladly pay 4% or even 5% more in taxes if it pulls us out of national debt, even slowly, and I don't make anywhere near $1 million/year. If it leads to better social programs for those less fortunate, so much the better. But this Darwinistic capitolist bullshit needs to stop. This is why the rest of the world hates us. They don't hate Bob working down at the gas station, they hate Reginald who runs the Fortune 500 company. And I hate him too because he actually gets tax refunds through his dividends and holdings.

Our lame-duck president just got slightly lamer.

2007-10-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

Bush throws down gauntlet to China with Dalai Lama meeting

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071011/ts_afp/ustibetchina_071010220622

Take that Communism! (or whatever China claims its government to be). President Bush will be residing over a ceremony to award the Congressional Gold Medal to the Dalai Lama, the exiled leader of Chinese-controlled Tibet (unfortunate for him the president's wife will also be in attendance who I'm convinced can neither spell or pronounce the word "librarian", or "Tibet" for that matter.) At some level it's not such a big deal because it's taking place in Washington D.C. about 5 blocks from the president's house.

Pelosi, who has a long-record of speaking against China's human rights violations, will present the award. Bush who has a long-record of choking on pretzels and violating human rights, will observed. If nothing else it will be seen as a slap in the face to China. Since Bush refuses to do anything about Myanmar for fear of angering China I guess I can take solace in the fact that he at least supports the existence of Tibet (or the existence of a guy who is making the world a better place, unlike him). Ok this is getting too negative a post. But I'm happy the legislature and executive seem to be in agreement that the Dalai Lama should have some commendation for his work.

British Judges are just as Ignorant as American Judges

2007-10-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=071010140820.maha1rmv&show_article=1

I'm so glad that we haven't lost sight of the fact that global warming is a political issue. After all those damn liberals always wanting to blame mankind for damaging the planet. And what kind of solutions do they have? Reducing emissions (puhlease....), alternative fuels (but gas smells so good), and not killing baby seals (not an environmental issue but probably a good idea). But it's just a theory, like evolution, relativity, or the religion (zing!).

Recently the British Government pledged to send copies of "An Inconvenient Truth" to 3500 secondary schools across the country, in the hopes of cultivating awareness about the issue. Enter Reginald McImanidiot (could be his real name), who complains that the jury isn't out (pun intended) on global warming and that pushing propaganda like this will create "political spin" because again apparently its a political issue. Well his Honor Judge Stuffy Stickupmyass believes after hearing testimony from the man that the film violates education laws that prevent the presentation of material with a biased viewpoint. As such he is requiring that the film be accompanied by government guidance notes (great idea cause the government is always completely subjective on every issue). Sounds to me like England just needs another excuse to create more bureaucracy (they invented it after all). The new minister of "keeping Al Gore's filthy movie out of the hands of young children who might want to have different opinions than that of old stuffy country aristocrats" (I'm being facetious but I don't think I'm too far off). Maybe they should release "government notes" with all their school history textbooks that say, "this is one interpretation of the facts", cause I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure I had a lot U.S. History books that conveniently glossed over all those little things like the "Trail of Tears" and the "Tuskegee Experiment".

FanFlippin' Tastic! My Life just got Infitinity+1 times better!

2007-10-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

http://money.cnn.com/news/newsfeeds/articles/prnewswire/NYW06303102007-1.htm

'COMEDY CENTRAL(R) Orders 'Important Things with Demetri Martin'

I cannot describe my ecstaticness (not a word but that's how great i feel) about the coming of this show. It can only be described as fantasticfullness! It's so full of fantasticness that I need to shout to the sky. The only bad part is that it doesn't start until the second half of 2008, but I can only imagine that this means more time for comic geniosity. I'm still processing this right now and will get back to you when the excitement wears off.

Debating Nonsense

2007-10-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8S5VQ0G0&show_article=1

Wait a minute, Republicans bitching about taxes? I think I've seen this before. Cutting spending? Yes, I think we've finally hit election re-runs. You know it's that time of the year after sweeps where the networks just kind of give up. Maybe you'll get a mid-season replacement or so... oh wait no that's television.

Mr. Giuliani and Mr. Romney squared off Tuesday debating the massive tax cuts and government spending currently taking place. The only problem is... the majority of that spending seems to be for that little conflict somewhere to the east, kinda like the middle. Republicans can complain all they want that Democrats over spend on horrible things like education, national forests, and healthcare, but the bottom line is that the Dept. of Defense is getting the most tax money year after year, with Iraq taking even more on top of that. Now I'm all for spending money in defense on useless weaponry, but let's not forget we have these domestic issues to take care of. Boo healthcare, let them be sick. They just don't want to get better, no free hand outs, lame... unless of course you want to give out assault rifles.. that would be super awesome, but no Yank ever gonna do that.

Luckily the debate mostly focused on Giuliani and Romney whining at one another. Giuliani saying he lowered taxes 23 times in New York and that Massachusetts' taxes went up during Romney's time. Alright now despite the fact that the people of New York City think they are a state because of their population and overall sense of entitlement, they are not. Massachusetts is a state a real state. They actually have federal things to consider like dept. of interior, education, all this stuff that has to be regulated on the state level. I say until New York City has representatives in the Legislative Branch, Giuliani should keep his mouth shut.

Maybe to pay for the war we should skim some of that $30 billion in profit Exxon-Mobil seems to get every quarter. How can every quarter be a record quarter for profit? I know they claim they are re-investing it in R&D, but have you seen any new oil manufacturing technology to come out in the last few years (decades?). Maybe they're trying to figure out a way to drill in ANWR without us knowing.

John Edwards is boring me

2007-10-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071008/ap_po/edwards_iowa_3

Increasingly irrelevant democratic presidential candidate (could have just said his name) John Edwards, does not like Hillary Clinton. While stumping in Iowa (stumping is a stupid word) Mr. (Senator?) Edwards took the time to complain about his position in the polls, only did so in a backhanded way, by comparing Hillary to Howard Dean. "I remember the inevitability of Howard Dean and I'm a stupid moron so I think this is the same situation" (maybe not an exact quote, I'm too lazy to find out). All of this of course played out with his (and the Joker's) trademark grin. Perhaps he doesn't remember exactly why Howard Dean suddenly dropped in the polls, pretty sure it had something to do with an exasperated "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" (I hope I got enough letters in there to convey the sound). As soon as that occurred the attack ads started flying and they all aimed squarely at Dean who now seemed too "unstable" to be a presidential candidate. After all he was from Vermont, maybe he had been drinking too much Maple Beer (I don't think this actually exists, but maybe. Who knows? I wouldn't have thought there was a town named Pilsner, go figure?). Whatever the reason for his outrageous scream (he was probably excited) it kept him from ultimately going further than the primaries.

In what possible scenario is Clinton likely to jeopardize her candidacy with something to that effect. She has a team of people trying making sure she does everything right. Of course Obama has similar people that don't seem to be able to figure out what is "right", letting him operate all over the spectrum. Really John Edwards knows that he wont be given the running-mate position again and is now trying to seem update about his constant decline in the polls. Maybe he should think about not mentioning the mill worker thing anymore. People don't really want someone like them in office, they secretly (or not so) need the bourgeois politician that thinks they know what's best for the country. Also they need someone to blame when stuff starts going awry. Would you rather blame your friend and neighbor, or the guy that lives in the $20 million house behind a gate?

"crestfallen" is a stupid word

2007-10-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

Crestfallen is a ridiculous word that means dispirited or depressed. But honestly, it sounds like some forest Frodo would be fighting ogres in, "Across the high plains of Falcar, through mines of Algarthon, deep into the heart of Crestfallen, where secrets and death surely lie." (sounds perfectly cromulent, although I made all of those words up). I get it though, having your head down "fallen crest" blah blah. But it makes you sound so arrogant if you choose that word instead of depressed. I wasn't aware that the word "depressed" made you sound unintelligent in the eyes of those you would communicate with. It's the same as saying the word "apropos" instead of "appropriate". Really it's an artificial means of increasing your intellectual standing with your peers. So in protest I will simply grunt the rest of this post. Og og ger hwarmp spler klo.

Let's all be Instruments of God

2007-10-07T17:56:00.001-07:00

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2007/10/07/obama-gop-doesnt-own-faith-and-values/

O.... Bama What are you playing at now? I get it. You were in front of a church. You felt like you needed to connect with your constituents. You are a spiritual man and you aren't afraid to show it (of course with 90% of this country believing in a higher power- unchecked stat - it's not really all that brave a thing to say, right?). But really Obama, calling yourself an "instrument of God"? Don't you think that's a tad bit, I dunno, preachy? Sure I see that you believe all of us are instruments of God (or at least those who go to church) but can you really expect everyone to take it as positively as you are. Here's someone else who thinks he's an instrument of god: George Bush. Now I'm not saying spirituality is a bad thing, just that he might want to tone it down a bit lest the moderate voter ally him improperly with a certain type of thinking or ideology.

Perhaps the issue is that there are those who seem to place their fate in God's hand and those who believe it is their fate to direct his hand. The rest of us seem like lost sheep to them, unsure of where to go. All I can say is that God seems to have more "instruments" than the London Symphony (bad joke I know). Why would a perfect being that is all-knowing need all those to interpret what it is he wants. What ultimately may anger religious conservatives though is that he believes in creating a "kingdom on Earth", which seems in direct contradiction to Revelation, unless of course he believes Judgment Day is coming. Why can't anyone just be nice cause its the right thing to do. Why does the moral compass always have point to religious North? Is humanity always doomed to surrender free will to some intangible idea manifested as false logic? (ok that's a convoluted question) Well everyone has a choice in this country and I urge you to make yours by examining the past and not always by looking to an uncertain future. We should never risk a theocratic state (more so than we have now), because it only takes a few to preach intolerence that can undue the world.

Sites like this don't do conservatives any favors

2007-10-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.thoseshirts.com/tshirts.html

I was just perusing the old internet(s) this morning, wandering down the series of tubes, when I spotted an ad with a young woman on it wearing a black tight-fitting t-shirt that read simply, "I survived Roe v. Wade". I thought to myself, how oddly offensive, so I clicked on it. Lo and behold I had discovered the "Mecca"(conservatives love when you compare something of theirs to Islam) of conservative t-shirt sites (it might be the only one though). As I clicked through I saw the categories listed on the side, "Reagan shirts, gun shirts, anti-ATF shirts, anti-Hillary shirts, pro-stupid people shirts". I mean seriously, being against the ATF? As though the ATF is really good at regulating anyways. They are certainly good at killing people in Waco, Texas. But I mean really, would you want to wear a shirt that just screamed "I'm with Stupid"? (I think that shirt already exists, not sure but probably). I hate to stoop so low as to make fun of conservatives, but just looking at his site it almost makes fun of itself. How could you ever take somebody who is wearing this seriously? (Boo socialized medicine, boo Che, boo George Bush... I mean wait no, boo Ted Kennedy, yeah that's who I don't like...) Perhaps the greatest injustice to the English language is that the site has the audacity to print the definition of the word "humor" as though that somehow validates their asinine products. The bottom line is, these aren't even funny, most are just distasteful or filled with hate, but then I guess maybe thats what they think funny is (after all the president has never been able to find the right situations funny... or enunciate them clearly)

If you really want funny t-shirts go here: http://www.bustedtees.com/
Oh my! Funny isn't even defined how will we know whether we find it hilarious. Here's an idea, maybe figuring out a way to switch your radio from whatever shitty AM station is housing Rush Limbaugh, and having an independent thought (oh no independent... that sounds liberal, unless you are talking about the War of Independence with all those super-cool rifleman exercising the 2nd amendment, yeah! kick ass!)

My favorite shirt is "You have died of dysentery". Oh Oregon Trail, so many wasted hours in computer class when I supposed to be learning how to copy and paste text. Aah memories...

Weekend Wiki

2007-10-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

I will continue to make fun of everything until I am stopped, and given the limited readership of this blog- i.e. no one- it looks like it will.

The Yorkshire Rider:

Wow what a short description for such an incredibly boring article. You would think there would be more information about such a fascinating topic, that would identify this as one of the cultural pillars of society today. Alas, all I get is a rudimentary explanation of how it was formed due to deregulation. Oh that deregulation always stickin its nose where it don't belong. Not allowing people to to operate their own bus lines. But don't worry because we don't have to worry about that in the United States; there is no public transportation.

Kalenic Monastery:

Thank the lord there is cyrillic spelling for me to correctly pronounce this awesome church, except I can't read cyrillic, oh well... maybe some day (probably not). It's in Serbia, which is nice, and its Orthodox which is nice, but it was built by protodaviar Bogdan. Oh that Bogdan, when will you learn. Building churches all willy nilly, disregarding that someone might possibly in the future make fun of you for it on a blog. For shame... for shame.

Robert Manne:

Manne... Robert.. Manne, Australian professor of politics. One of Australia's premier "public intellectuals" (why if you were so brilliant would you be content only share your superior intellect with those in your private life, you must show the world if not for yourself than for your towering... ego). According to the article he moves freely within the linear classification of political ideology.. or something. Basically I'm guessing he goes wherever he thinks he can get the most money for writing a self-satisfying book about how great he is or what he thinks about some contemporary idea (The Shadow of 1917: Cold War Conflict in Australia- seriously I wasn't aware that Australia was so devastated by the Cold War, all those battles, so many died... oh wait no that was the movie, Gallipoli starring a young Mel Gibson).

Maybe Vegetarians have the Right Idea.

2007-10-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21163787/site/newsweek/

I guess its time to stay away from burgers (well not McDonalds, Jack n' Box, etc. cause that's not even real meat, but more likely some sort of wheat paste that has a slight meat flavor). So if increased risk of Cardiovascular Disease and general disgust with yourself after eating it wasn't enough reason to not eat it, you now have fantastic little e. coli rearing its ugly (maybe its not ugly, i guess attractiveness is subjective, maybe you are someone who likes that sort of thing.) But I regress (digress?) , maybe im regressing too, the point is... I don't really have one. Just have some chicken for god sakes, it wont kill you, but eating a burger might. Just remember that.

Hooray for Fat Sweaty Gamer Nerds!

2007-10-05T14:39:00.001-07:00

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/48950

Your constant whining about how great video games are has finally yielded respect within the medical community.

Not only good for the body, but good for the mind. No doubt this all stems from those games introduced by Nintendo (if you are playing an Xbox or playstation, you are still a fat, sweaty, nerdling, who also probably has no friends- zing!). The Wii simulates all those favorite athletic (see next bracket) pastimes like boxing, tennis, baseball, golf, bowling (thats the order more to less likely they will burn calories). Only bowlers think bowling is a sport, but you really need to have a defense for it to be a sport (baseball is stretching that a bit thin as well). Boxing is all well and good on the Wii but if you stand to close you will punch someone, probably in the eye as most people box like one of those old 'boxing nun' puppets. Nintendo looks to up the ante with the release of the WiiFit next year which will show those DDR nerds who's boss with an exercise board. Yeah thats right, a board for jumping on. Super-cool.

However, if you don't feel like moving any muscle you can always exercise that mushy thing in your skull(not your eyeball), the your head-heart, more colloquially known as the brain. Brain Age and Big Brain Academy (the better one) have you running tasks that range from boring (counting blocks) to interesting (solving mazes) to idiotic (doing sudoku puzzles- yeah you heard me I said it. Sudoku is stupid. And it's name is pretentious, so pretentious its first name should be Wadsworth. So to you Mr. Wadsworth Fannywinkle Sudoku III, esq. I say good day!)

Remember though that there is always a risk in anything you do, especially if you are severely out of shape. Wiitis, a less common video-game related illness than say, can'tgetadate-itis, or allmyfriendsareonline-itis. But nevertheless it is still a concern. So for god sakes be careful! We wouldn't want anybody hurting themselves and suing Nintendo. Instead you should sue people for dropping the price of their hardware.

Monopoly is destroying lives

2007-10-04T09:51:00.001-07:00

Oh Monopoly, grand board game of yore which gives us the pleasures of multi-millionaire property developers. The jibing, the sport, the wonderfulness of it all.

Alright... stop!

I have never played a game of monopoly that didn't devolve into some sort of Neanderthal chest-beating ritual. You can't win at monopoly, you can just get other people to quit (maybe that's winning to some people). The back-stabbing, the side-deals, and shifting money around between some players and not others. It's the ultimate Darwinian exercise! Only the strong will survive (or those that really want to win at Monopoly). In fact, I challenge you to find one game of monopoly that didn't end with some fight (maybe fisticuffs?) or verbal abuse or someone flipping over the board.

I remember a time I was playing and someone landed on park place, but the person who owned it had made a deal that said person didn't need to pay if they landed there (that might be one too many "persons"). This created an argument and the "throwing of pieces" began. All I can say is thank god the houses are made of plastic. Unfortunately for my friend he got an old timey car and wheelbarrow upside the head.

Its nice to see Seceding from the U.S. isn't stuck in the 19th Century

2007-10-03T13:54:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071003/ap_on_re_us/secessionist_movement_1

Apparently Vermont wants to secede. There is a movement afloat in the Northwest which used to be relegated only to those south of the Mason-Dixon line. Certain states of the union want to secede. Upset by the war in Iraq the Middlebury Institute wants liberal states to secede peacefully if they desire to do so. Obviously it has to be peaceful as I'm pretty sure all of Vermont's national guard is in Iraq anyways. So then you're stuck with a bunch of state troopers with rifles trying to stop M1-Abrams tanks and stealth fighters. I think Vermont is really just tired of having to say "Made in the USA" on their maple syrup. Its more important for them to separate. It would create a very awkward situation for Maine being stuck on a foreign border with the independent sultanate of Vermont (Im just assuming they will have a sultan because it sounds the coolest, certainly better than an emirate, or a kingdom, or a empire- c'mon no one is going to think about the Empire of Vermont).

Who knows what actually will happen. A lot of people in this country don't want to secede (or even know what it means). History is a roll of the dice.

The new Geico Cavemen Show is Fantastic!

2007-10-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Color me impressed, this show is actually funny. Check it out on ABC, Tuesdays at 8pm. I was a little skeptical at first but after this dialogue exchange I was confused.

Caveman #1: She keeps you hidden away from her friends like some deformed cat!
Caveman #2: Deformed cat? What does that even mean?
Cavemen #1: It's an expression!
Cavemen #2: No it's not.
Cavemen #3: Actually, I've heard it before.
Cavemen #1: See?

Fantastic, I look forward to episode 2.

Hillary Clinton is the best Presidential Candidate Today

2007-10-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hillary Clinton has raised more money than any other presidential candidate on either side, this quarter.

Maybe its time to reexamine her as a viable candidate and why its time to bring her to the front of my own thoughts about the American political system.

For a long time I hated Clinton for being so blatantly political, but examining her from a different point of view, as a politician running for office, her behavior may in fact be the most honest. Everyone knows that politicians make empty promises and say things that they think will get elected, but the problem is this year every democrat seems so set on separating themselves from Bush that they say completely bizarre things that are not plausible in the slightest (Obama wants to get rid of nuclear weapons! I'm pretty sure this was the plot of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace). While I would like to believe in a world where Dennis Kucinich was president (which I have a 91% match rating with in terms of policy- click here to take the candidate calculator test), I don't think that possibility exists (he might also be too short to be presidential.

Although I still vehemently oppose her stance on censorship, it is irrational and near-sighted of me to not want her socialized medicine policy to take hold in this country. Every day each of us sees people who could benefit from a socialized medicine program and having it doesn't mean that you have to use it. She has been focusing on this since 1992 and Clinton-1, and after 5 years in the Senate perhaps the only way to make it a reality is for her to be in office.

But how could we elect a woman to the presidency? Here is a list of some of the countries that have had female heads of state/government:

India, China, Ireland, Israel, Great Britain, Germany, Portugal, France, Norway, Pakistan, Turkey, Canada, Bangladesh, South Korea, Finland, even Rwanda, and so many more.

Countries that have not had female representation?:

Cuba, Russia, Japan... and a hundred more.

Shouldn't the United States who believes itself to be so globally progressive and pure, allow half the population at least the opportunity to run for office without the smears? Why does the headline always have to read, "Are we ready for a female president?", instead of, "Why the hell haven't we had one yet?".

So many people talk about "presidential dynasty fatigue syndrome" as though somehow there should be more people in this country who are qualified for the position. However, no one is really qualified for the presidency and it certainly can't be said any of the other candidates have the kind of White House insight that Hillary has or about how the executive branch works. Obama is great in speeches, he has tremendous insight as to how the world "should" work, but that is his naivete; his idealism getting ahead of him. Clinton is the realistic candidate and right now the best for the country given the current social climate. As long as she stays away from making too many radical statements about how great the war on terror is, she will get elected. Plus there are worse things to have than Bill as first-lady. Maybe Obama as running-mate? Oh but I think that reminds me of a Chris Rock joke...

People on Craigslist are ripping you off.

2007-10-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

Why is it that people on craigslist think you should pay so much for used furniture from Ikea?

Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about (dont know how long these links will work):

Ikea Malm Dresser- $50 in "very good condition... used for 2 years" (okay i've used one of these and know for a fact that as you fill the drawers the bottoms, which are made from cardboard, begin to bow downwards), "best part is you don't have to assemble it!" (yeah uh huh, so part of the $50 is your payment for assembling it.) Now let's look here. So as you can see it was only $79.99 originally, may have been cheaper 2 years ago, or conversely our currency is worth less so if it was the same you are actually saving money ($30 saved for 2 years of use, of which you don't know what was spilled, whatever in it)
IKEA Cabinet - LEKSVIK Buffet with top cabinet (Used/fully assembled) - $180. Hey fully assembled! Awesome. Here's the link to Ikea. This time you have no idea what "used" refers to. Total saved: $69
Ikea Malm Bed Frame w/ Sultan Matress - $100: Alrighty, a bed with a frame. Sounds reasonable. However as you read the description you will see: "comes with a free sultan matress, but has a stain", eeeewww....... Also the bed does not come with any nuts, but they can be "mailed or given at Ikea, probably" Fantabulousness! Here are the links, for the bed frame, and the mattress. $79.99 for the mattress (without the stain) and $100 for the frame (with the nuts). Price saved: $79.99

So this really comes down to the fact that people buy cheap furniture and try to unload it on others for barely less than they payed. Lets assume that each of these people had this furniture for 2 years and used it normally (except for #3, that' s gross and stupid to try and sell, or give away and sell the frame at retail). #1 has used the dresser for 2 years and thinks it should only have cost them $30 dollars for that privilege. #2 thinks 2 years is worth $69. #3 says $80 is the price they should have payed. In addition, they believe that assembling it is some kind of bonus as though they would break it down before selling it to you. They needed to assemble it for it to work in the first place, so they are actually saving themselves time by not disassembling it (I wouldn't say anything about it being assembled and just disassemble it to spite the buyer.. no not really).

Now I love Ikea furniture and its great if your spending income is not that high. However, it is furniture that should be donated or set out to curb, not pushed back on people for a barely lower price. Plus you have to take into account that you need to drive and pick it up, presumably with a vehicle that can carry it, spending a certain amount of money on gas. In reality I should propose to these people that I will "rent" it from them for the same amount as they think they should pay for having it originally. Who wouldn't want a dresser for $15/year, a buffet for $40, and a bed set for $40? Ebay has the same problem and if you dont believe me just search for anything that is not obscure and compare it to the retail price, the difference is fractional. I will never sell my Ikea furniture on craigslist because I believe donating it is better for the population and I would feel too guilty selling it to someone.

Oh and stay away from stained mattresses, it's never worth it... never.

Randomness on Wikipedia

2007-09-30T22:10:00.001-07:00

To prove you can talk about anything I am running the following ongoing experiment:

3 clicks on a Random Wikipedia article and there will be no filtering. The following articles were observed.

1. List of Mammals on the Cayman Islands

So apparently there are only two kinds of mammals on the Cayman Islands: bats and whales. That being said there are six different species of the former with such illustrious names as "the mexican free-tailed bat" (perhaps the manx cats of bats), the Jamaican fruit bat (some derogatory slur towards their choice of mates?), Buffy (the vampire slayer) Flower bat, Cuba fruit-eating bat (a healthy diet), and lastly the Cuba fig-eating bat (isn't a fig a fruit? or does the bat just refuse to eat anything else). Then there's some dolphins or something, who cares.

2. The Blade (film)

Sorry to disappoint you but this is not referring to "Blade" the super-awesome vampire movie starring Steven Dorff (and to a lesser extent Wesley Snipes). This one refers to a movie about a piece of cutlery or something and its from Hong Kong. Wouldn't it be great if all movies that were single mundane nouns had "the" in front of it. It sounds so much more forceful that way. "The Saw", "The Chair", "The Shining" (whoops, that's actually the name of a movie, but see how much more boring it would be if it were just "Shining", see QED I win)

3. Edward Baker (disambiguation)

Yay! Disambiguation page! One's a British-born American senator and soldier (wouldn't it be great if he joined the army after being a senator?) Edward Dickinson Baker. Next, Edward Baker Lincoln (named after the first one apparently and son of Abraham Lincoln, the great emancipator should have emancipated his son from such a crappy name). E. C. Stuart Baker was a British ornithologist and police officer (a bird scientist, who fought crime? sounds like the lamest superhero ever). Finally, Eddie Baker was an actor who died in the 60s no doubt starring in some of those awkward transition films between the era of black and white and color, the dreaded mauve period of cinema.

Battle for the crappy news: Fox v. CNN (Guess who wins)

2007-09-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

Americans Need Stupid News

Right now (7:28PM PDT) these are the top stories on the following news websites (these are the best headlines as they are listed):

CNN.com (ooh its been redesigned, look how snazzy it is!)

Foxnews.com (ooh it still looks like it was made by a 5th-grader in a computer tech class)

Just looking at the second part its hard to argue Fox doesn't have an agenda. Just in the way the write their headlines you can see the complete lack of objectivism (is that a word? if not it is now, internet is printed word and is therefore 100% accurate). Story #1 implies in the headline there is a connection between Iraqi insurgents and Al Qaeda. Fantastico! Fox proves the administrations' theories about who were "really" fighting in Iraq. Plus after you click it suddenly changes from "60 killed" to "more than 60 killed". What about those hundreds of thousands of other people that have been killed since the war started, sheesh! On to story #2, where the headline reads "Hopefuls". We can assume this refers to some political campaign. In actuality it refers only to Republican Presidential nominees who are apparently the only "hopefuls" according to Fox, though democrats are mentioned at the end of the article. On the final story, rather than stating what the article is really about Fox goes for the kick in the crotch. Even after you click it reads "Indian Jews Outraged Over 'The Nazi Collection' Line of Bedspreads", though in reality it is the leaders of a Jewish Community who are upset, and it is specifically about the swastika, which was originally a Hindu symbol. I guess Fox knows what its readers want.

It just goes to show there really is a difference, even minute-to-minute. Lets just hope Fox remembers how to count come next November. At least Bush can't get re-elected to a 3rd term... or can he?

I realize that I am being just as biased in the way I'm writing, but I mean really, I don't have to say anything and you'd figure it out yourself. Its a good thing no one reads this or Fox might be upset! It's not slander if no one reads it.

America Doesn't seem to care about Myanmar.

2007-09-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

Like Darfur, Rwanda, and countless others before it, Americans now have a new international struggle for freedom to ignore, Myanmar (previously known as Burma), while being innundated by news from Iraq and presidential speeches about why we are doing it for democracy and not securing oil contracts. For the past month or so (beginning on August 15, 2007) anti-government protests have rocked the small south-eastern Asian nation. Within the last week however, they have been led by thousands of Burmese monks marching through the streets facing off against their military dictatorship. The fact that Buddhist monks are against you should say something about the amount of control you are exerting over the population. It is inconceivable that regimes like this still exist in the age but obviously they are not gone (see Pakistan, Iran-sort of, and others). On Sept. 27 the junta began raiding monasteries in an attempt to squash the rebellion and it only seems to be getting worse.

Up to this point the US has done nothing but placing loose economic sanctions on the country to "promote democratic development". However, the US seems to have no problem invading and replacing non-democratic governments with those it determines to be vital to national interest. Mr. "They hate us fer our freedom" sure loves displacing countries in the middle east to bring democracy to those who truly want it but do not know how to attain it. I don't remember huge protests in Iraq (though Sadam wouldn't have allowed them anyways). Regardless, the United States is not sending peacekeeping troops there to support this monastic solidarity towards democracy. Why is that? China is the military junta's chief supporter and does not want to see it's Chinese friendly government overthrown. It's just so aggravating that I'm not even sure this makes any sense as I'm writing it. I wish the U.S. would just do something without an ulterior motive for once, but that is unattainable utopian thinking perhaps. If America wants to be the policemen of the world why not try being something other than corrupt. If nothing else read the recent round outlined here in wikipedia (i know, i know, but the information seems fairly objective). For now I will stand solidly behind the pro-democracy buddhist monks, but I am not sure I will be able to do much. Thinking about it seems better than doing nothing at all or doing the wrong thing, which seems very easy for Americans to do. I will write more when I can recollect my thoughts.

Now American Idol is Damaging more than just American Teenagers' Brains

2007-09-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/cpress/20070929/ca_pr_on_en/tv_indian_idol_riots_1

A part of me wishes that American Idol results sparked this much controversy when the results were given out. I do recall statements of vote tampering, etc. being thrown about by the media regarding last years results (why this was national news I don't know, but at least it wasn't about Anna Nichole Smith).

In Calcutta India, rioting has broken out and this time its not because of police brutality (Rodney King) or crappy performance at a Superbowl (Oakland Raiders). Its all because of the results of Indian Idol, an offshoot of American Idol. Apparently the mob started protesting after a radio host shock jock (no doubt the "Howard Stern" of Northeast India/West Bengal) issued several derogatory statements about the winner Prashant Tamang, an Indian of Nepalese descent. To deal with the crowd, who felt the radio host stepped over the line, the police used tear gas and batons. After all was said and done 60 people were injured including police officers

Ethnic tensions are strained in India with so many different groups and languages all identified by the world as "Indian". In the south the language spoken, Tamil, a Dravidian language, has remained largely unchanged linguistically for over two thousand years (though they have probably invented words for computer... and telephone... and "blogging"- though I sometimes wish there wasn't an English word for that one either). So it may seem ridiculous that you would riot over something so inert but c'mon America we are just as bad if not worse, usually our rioting includes looting for no apparent reason.

There is ultimately no reason to slight anyone who wants to punish themselves by being on Indian Idol. I'm sure that Prashant is a better singer than Taylor Hicks (and probably far less creepy). Prashant issued this statement following the riots, "violence has no place in song or music." Well tell that to U2, or maybe "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" is about drinking a bloody mary before church?

John McCain is batshit insane.

2007-09-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/wn_report/2007/09/29/2007-09-29_mccain_no_muslim_president_us_better_wit.html

McCain says no to Muslim president? He prefers someone grounded on Christian beliefs, who knows the righteous path of blah blah. What the hell, McCain? Isn't that kind of a blanket statement. There are over a billion Muslims on the planet. Maybe this was an underhanded attack towards democrat Keith Ellison who took his oath of office on the Qur'an instead of the New International Version of the Christian bible. How asinine of a Christian political figure who has no problems with Catholics (The Inquisition?) or Mormons (Mountain Meadows Massacre?). As quoted McCain really wants a president who "...has a solid grounding in my faith." After all America was founded on Christian Ideology and we have never done anything wrong ever, ever. Now granted he was giving this interview to Beliefnet (gee I wonder who they represent?), but c'mon! You are making Mitt Romney look religiously liberal.

This unilateral thinking is the same reason red America complains every time a someone other than a white protestant male is mentioned in the same sentence as presidency. I think McCain just spent too much time in the Hanoi Hilton and its finally catching up to him. Remember when he was the "moderate" Republican candidate?

Maybe a Wiccan midget should run for office just to see if he has a stroke.

Funny note: On the Office this last week Steve Carrel's character had this to say about god, "If god didn't exist, why are there so many churches? And who is Jesus' dad?"

Iowa and New Hampshire are Trying to Prove they are Relevant

2007-09-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070928/D8RUMK6O0.html

Well it was only a matter of time before New Hampshire and Iowa responded to the fact that states like Michigan and Florida were moving up their primary in order to stay ahead of "Super Giga Massive Awesomeness, You're state sucks if they aren't here- Tuesday" (this may seem like a joke but its actual name is pretty much just as dumb). Iowa officials have now begun speculating that it could be moved to as early as January 21st (the day after the previous inauguration. Wouldn't that be great if it were true? That way senators and governors who were running for presidential office could spend even less time doing the jobs they were actually elected for. Instead stumping for votes making empty promises about educating babies, or something. I don't know if thats a real issue I haven't been following, seems perfectly cromulent to me.

I suppose it all comes down to the fact that these two states really have nothing else going for them. Observe the following lists of facts about Messrs. New Hampshire and Iowa to try and better understand the mentality of the people who live there.

Iowa-

State Nickname:"The Tall Corn State"- wasn't aware there was short or tall corn, I'm sure I have angered some farmers with this statement, but lets be honest, no one is reading this anyways.
State Motto: "Iowa- 5 kinds of awesome"- could be.
Official Language: English- I'm so glad this is listed as a fact. However, its a loose definition as people that pronounce it "cone" instead of "corn" aren't really speaking English. Plus I'm pretty sure that they have a casual relationship with grammar as well.
Site of the Mormon Pioneer Trail: I'm not touching this with a 100 mile pole. America Jesus might smite (smote?) me.
It's bordered by no less (also no more) than 6 states!: Oh poor Alaska, at least you have the frozen wastelands of Northern Canada to keep you company.
It has no less than Zero professional sports team: Minor league teams dont count.. I'm looking at you "Sioux City Musketeers" of the United States Hockey League, shame on you for trying to convince people you're a real team, or sport for that matter.

Okay, so seems like they have a little bit of weirdness going on in the state, maybe a napoleon complex or two. Dimitri Martin says states that are shaped like regular polygons are not cool. Iowa is pretty squarish, except for that eastern "nub". What's up with that? Maybe that's where the cool Iowans (Iowish?) hang out. I wouldn't no, I've never met any cool people from Iowa. They don't have much going for them so I can see why they need their precious caucus to feel important on the national stage. Now lets take a look at New Hampshire.

New Hampshire-

State Nickname: "The Granite State"- Kitchen counters must be incredibly cheap here.
State Motto: "Live Free or Die (Hard)"- Who knew that movie was about the great city of Manchester.
46th Smallest State: Pansy ass Rhode Island ain't got nothin'
It Borders Canada! Eh?: Well not real Canada, French Canada (26.6% of state population).
It's climate is inclimate (inclement?): Where do think NorEasters go to die?
They have a newspaper called Foster's Daily Democrat: (no doubt an indication that this state is as blue as the blood of the people were dukes of "Old" Hampshire in England.) Actually its technically a "swing" state.

So there you have, compelling arguments (or not) of why they might want an earlier caucus. Mostly it was just a reason to make fun of these states for no good reason. But in all seriousnesslyness (thats how serious this is) caucusi and early primaries are designed to weed people out of the election season early (I'm looking at you Chris Dodd) who could spend their times doing better things (like losing their senate seat re-election- John Edwards). Both of these states together only account for 11 electoral votes (about the same as 1/3 of Los Angeles County) in the national election. I say let them have their early crap, it makes them feel better.

In closing I ask, shouldn't all primaries be on the same day anyways since primary means "first"? Wouldn't the rest be secondaries, tertiaries.... or deciaries ( I had to look that word up as I wasn't sure it was real)?

America's Youth is in Trouble

2007-09-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

This is a description of two things however, the twist is, only one is a real event and the other simply a video game. However, in the destroyed mind of today's youth consciousness perhaps they both hold the same sway. Judge for yourself:

"Its a dark time for humanity as aggressors march across the globe. As the darkness passes upon the free nations consumed by their own twisted ideology, millions perish under the iron feet of oppression. Those who choose to fight, risk not only their lives, but the future of the planet itself. They will always be heroes in the minds of generations to follow...."

This week saw the release of not only Ken Burns' sure to be seminal documentary about the second World War titled simply, "the War". Unfortunately on Tues Sept. something else was unleashed that will ultimately make more money and have more of a lasting opinion on everyone under the age of 18 (or 40 if you're a nerd, thats the +22 nerd coefficient added to any age restriction), Halo 3.

If you haven't noticed lately Microsoft has been in all-out blitzkrieg (a WWII joke, sorry Poland) with its marketing. Observe the most recent ad: panning through a diorama of a battle that never happened, during a war that will never take place. All you have to do is, "Believe". What a load of trouser dirt! Sorry that was uncouth. But I mean holy bejesus!. Why bother to learn real history when you can "play" fake history. I hope, though it pains me to say this, that people will actually start to "Believe" Halo is real, just so that Microsoft can say, "See! We proved we don't have to be subversive to make people use our products, we can pray on the natural stupidity of the population." Wouldn't it be great if you were at the WWII memorial in Washington D.C., and someone said to you, "Sure these guys are heroes but they'll never be 'Master Chief'. He knew how to get the job done." On that day I will shed a tear for America's youth. Until then my unopened copy of Halo 3 will hold up the leg on bed that seems a bit wobbly, or at least until Ken Burns' documentary is over. Since it started on Monday it will most likely be over sometime around Christmas 2009. Don't believe me? Check out the running time on his last documentary, 978 hours, and all in glorious commercial-free government and public-supported PBS.

Maybe in 10 years we will get a documentary about how awesome Halo was. About those who fought and died heroes on their cyber-battlefield. Only then will we know who the "Grestest Generation" truly was. Semper fi, Master Chief, semper fi.... (note: I have no idea if Halo has anything to do with the Marines and I refuse to find out).

Epilogue: Halo 3 made over $170 million in its first 24 hours, which according to Ken Burns' documentary would finance WWII for 15 minutes (or something like that). So I say, save your money and invest in War Bonds (the chinese certainly love doing that) and maybe someday it will finance a war where there actually is something at stake again.

Cricket proving that they aren't as boring as polo (the one with horses, not the Ralph Lauren clothing line)

2007-09-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/25/world/asia/25cricket.html?hp

Cricket has become cool again. They have revitalized the sport and are introducing it to a whole new generation of youth. They tried to do this with basketball a while ago and that sport actually has people that don't fall asleep watching it (I however am not one of them). Basketball's experiment was called Slamball! Yeah it actually had an exclamation point in it! No it didn't but it might as well have. There idea was to put trampolines on the court thus allowing people to catapult themselves towards the net (take that Michael Jordan) and eliminate any sort of athletic skill required. Thankfully that never took off despite its prestigious spot on Spike TV, the network for manly men, and in no way overgrown nerds who need to live vicariously through television. And so gone were Slamball superstars Rob Wilson and Kevin Whogivesacrap, relegated to their previous positions of prestige shooting crumpled up taquitos wrappers into trash cans as night shifts at 7-11.

Well have no fear because cricket has seen its biggest resurgence since it was invented 800 years ago, when its only competition as a recreational sport was trepanning, and the Black Death. These new players are "fast and furious" and show how extreme they are by having extreme qualities like long hair and athleticism (according to the article Indians participating in this "sport" are not characteristically athletic). This new version of cricket has the following changes, apparently...

Both teams have a single innings and a bat for a maximum of 20 overs (this makes no sense grammatically but it is from Wikipedia, the bastion of awesomeness and in no way ever has any mistakes ever, cause it community and why would a community ever be wrong)
A game is completed in about three hours, with each innings lasting around 75 minutes (again with the pluralization of "inning" when speaking of something as a single entity, but I shouldnt argue with them cause its an English game and they invented the language... what do I know)
Bowlers may bowl a maximum of only 4 overs per innings. (why are there bowlers in a baseball stadium?)
If the fielding team doesn't start to bowl their 20th over within 75 minutes, the batting side is credited an extra 6 runs for every whole over bowled after the 75 minute mark; the umpire may add more time to this, if he considers the batting team is wasting time. (alright I give up I have no idea what any of this means)

If nothing else this moves Cricket up a few spaces to somewhere between competitive curling and recreational badminton. No one in America can ever complain that Soccer is a boring sport. Just reading about Cricket has taken 10 years off my life and this is the "non-boring" version. I say the New York Times should stay away from international sport lame stories and focus on all the great sports heroes we used to have in this country before they got arrested.

Hell has frozen over! Cause its certainly wasnt the arctic.

2007-09-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/9fe5b5aa-6d33-11dc-ab19-0000779fd2ac.html

Oh my crap! Perhaps this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius (which I guess would actually have been around the year 2000- see link). The Bush administration has finally called for some international cooperation on climate change. Observe the following quote from from the SecSta (thats the cool way to say Secretary of State, like SecDef. Sounds reasonable, right?)

“It is our responsibility as global leaders to forge a new international consensus on how to solve climate change . . . If we stay on our present path, we face an unacceptable choice: either we sacrifice global economic growth to secure the health of our planet or we sacrifice the health of our planet to continue with fossil-fuelled growth.”

Did you just cyber-whiplash from reading that quote like I did? Oh what a brilliant plan! Im so glad that they had to the foresight, no wait the hindsight to admit to a problem that millions of people on the planet already knew we had. Seriously what is this? Did a polar bear finally saunter up to the oval office and tell the president, "What the F---, man?" Because, I honestly cant see another way the president would have been convinced. I guess if someone said to him, "Hey dumbass! Maybe its time to start thinking about that whole legacy thing?" But wait, he has a legacy. Illegal election, vote tampering, illegal war, something, something.... Oh but at least he didnt get his dick sucked. Cause thats really the only thing Clinton did, right? Well that and causing 9/11.

I for one am ecstatic that someone is finally taking the environment seriously. It leads me back to the earlier post about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Listen to him because of his awesome power, environmental girly man!

We'll see if he gets flack from his right-wing base for this seemingly reversal of administration and Republican policy (I know this is over-generalizing the right, but c'mon over-generalizing is funnier). All those people who think "scientific evidence" supports global warming. Please, scientology has more science in it, so does science fiction, or social science (zing! take that sociology scholars, your science is softer than frogurt.) Apparently the only things conservatives dont have problem aborting is their children's futures.

Kiefer Sutherland proves he cant go "24" hours without a drink

2007-09-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

http://ca.today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=entertainmentNews&storyID=2007-09-25T195412Z_01_N25370204_RTRIDST_0_ENTERTAINMENT-SUTHERLAND-COL.XML

I guess I would drink if I was named Kiefer too. I wonder if he will be using his patented whisper-yelling to get out of jail. He may have gotten out on bail but it remains to be seen whether he will spend anytime for his offense. He was put on probation in 2004 for 16 months after pleading no contest to another DUI charge. Maybe they'll get another person to play perennially exhausted anti-hero Jack Bauer. Probably not though since he gets about 10 million a year for the role and its unlikely FOX will allow him to spend anytime at all in jail, even it requires performing public service announcements while hes torturing a vaguely minority-looking terrorist who is really being controlled by rich white guys.

The Word "Sheeple" is the stupidest pejorative ever created

2007-09-24T23:57:00.000-07:00

Sheeple? Sheep People? Sheep + People? Seriously that is an insult? As though somehow sheep are the only things that get herded. I wonder if the people who use that word are against the concept of herding, or if its just that people shouldnt be allowed to do it. If a person wants to be herded I say let them, dont disparage a personal choice.

Dont Terminate the Enviroment

2007-09-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

Schwarzenegger urges U.N. to move on climate change

http://www.reuters.com/article/politicsNews/idUSN2323848320070924?feedType=RSS&feedName=politicsNews&rpc=22&sp=true

When Arnold (Governor) Schwarzenegger tells you to step up on the environment you might want to listen. Sure he's made a habit of squandering the precious natural resources our planet has to offer: Petroleum for his ex-military trucks, Money from my pocket to see his craptacular movies where he fights Columbian terrorists, cybernetic organisms, or (sigh..) the devil, Kennedys to participate in his campaign for the introduction of new half-Austrian half-Waspy children (ok technically her last name is Shriver, but she is a Wasp, or at least I think she is, I'm not sure what a "Wasp" actually is). But now is the time to listen to his remarks on the environment cause he has a fuel-cell Humvee! Unfortunately it probably cost millions of dollars to develop and the only time he's driven it was to and from the press conference to announce its creation.

Well have no fear as Arnold is now out-sourcing American anger towards Global Warming, all the way to the U.N., also known as that part of New York where diplomats always double-park their European imports (Peugeot Limousine anyone?). His main focus seems to be creating a new international emissions treaty to replace Kyoto. Well good luck getting the US to pass that one. An environmental treaty seems to be the only thing a president named Bush is able to pull out of (the one with the HW in the middle, not the other one who has yet to pull out of anything, well maybe his wife because maybe she doesn't believe in birth control, but I digress). That treaty only called for carbon emissions to be reduced by 5% in 22 years! Of course, at the time it was thought that industrialized nations were being punished unfairly, whilst poorer ones were free to pollute. Of course America creates more pollution than those poor countries consisting of 4x the population.

As the speech went on Schwarzenegger couldn't help but talk about how great California was at reducing emissions, which really helps people in the rest of the country get behind the state. The guy who played a pregnant man in a movie is lauding the awesomeness of reducing emissions. I want to know why the governor never espouses the more fantastic aspects of California, like its legalization of cannabis! Now thats a topic that would create a stir in the U.N. Remember that you need not only prevent global warming but also what seems a natural outcome of all this political posturing... global buzzkilling, something none of us truly wants.