Monday, December 1, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
The US aint so young... 232 is the new 40
A lot of people like to complain about the United States being a young democracy and not knowing what for what. Well I thought I would list a few well-known countries that are democratically younger for you whineys out there.
The EU:
Austria- 1955
Belgium- 1830
Bulgaria- 1908
Cyprus- 1960
Czech Republic- 1993
Denmark- 1848 (Prime Minister)
Estonia- 1991
Finland- 1917
France- 1870 (3rd Republic)
Germany- 1871
Greece- 1830
Hungary- 1989
Ireland- 1922
Italy- 1861
Latvia- 1921 and then again in 1990 (soviet stuff something somthing)
Lithuania- 1918 and 1990 (see above)
Luxembourg- 1890
Malta- 1974
The Nederlands- 1848 (Prime Minister)
Poland- 1918
Portugal- 1974 (modern democracy)
Romania- 1878
Slovakia- 1993
Slovenia- 1991
Spain- 1978 (establishment of republic and prime minister)
Sweden- 1866 (Prime Minister)
United Kingdom- 1689 (following the Glorious Revolution)
Ok so of all those countries only England is older, and Im pretty sure they had a king when we declared independence. So now you slap someone the next time they claim America is a young democracy (though Im not sure who still says that?)
I would say America is less a petulent child than a balding man going through a mid-life crisis. Iraq is our red convertible.
The EU:
Austria- 1955
Belgium- 1830
Bulgaria- 1908
Cyprus- 1960
Czech Republic- 1993
Denmark- 1848 (Prime Minister)
Estonia- 1991
Finland- 1917
France- 1870 (3rd Republic)
Germany- 1871
Greece- 1830
Hungary- 1989
Ireland- 1922
Italy- 1861
Latvia- 1921 and then again in 1990 (soviet stuff something somthing)
Lithuania- 1918 and 1990 (see above)
Luxembourg- 1890
Malta- 1974
The Nederlands- 1848 (Prime Minister)
Poland- 1918
Portugal- 1974 (modern democracy)
Romania- 1878
Slovakia- 1993
Slovenia- 1991
Spain- 1978 (establishment of republic and prime minister)
Sweden- 1866 (Prime Minister)
United Kingdom- 1689 (following the Glorious Revolution)
Ok so of all those countries only England is older, and Im pretty sure they had a king when we declared independence. So now you slap someone the next time they claim America is a young democracy (though Im not sure who still says that?)
I would say America is less a petulent child than a balding man going through a mid-life crisis. Iraq is our red convertible.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Starbucks closing stores but still more than willing to serve ridiculously sized coffee milkshakes to your children for breakfast
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/1310ap_starbucks_closings.html
Ok I admit that was a very long title for a quite boring article. Starbucks is closing stores, 600 to be precise, that is quite terrible news to hear. I can't believe that I might have to walk 2 more blocks to get to the next one, or across the mini-mall parking lot to the "fake" Starbucks in Safeway. It's a very sad day for us all.
Of course Starbucks always the public relations guru blames the stagnant U.S. economy on the reason for the closers. People just can't afford over-priced gas and over-priced coffee, they need to save money for over-priced clothing after all. Now the funny thing about all this is that 70% of these store closures are going to be stores opened after the beginning of 2006. So rather than admit they might be over-expanding their shitty brand, they blame the economy as if to say, "We hate you American government, standing in the way of your citizens getting the coffee they want, nay, deserve to be drinking on a thrice daily basis."
My solution is this: add a $2.00 tax for drinking to every Frappuccino sold and you can fix the economy in less than 5 years. I already have a name for it, "The Fat Douchebag Economic Reform Act" (I realize some slender people drink them but they probably still have high cholesterol).
Ok I admit that was a very long title for a quite boring article. Starbucks is closing stores, 600 to be precise, that is quite terrible news to hear. I can't believe that I might have to walk 2 more blocks to get to the next one, or across the mini-mall parking lot to the "fake" Starbucks in Safeway. It's a very sad day for us all.
Of course Starbucks always the public relations guru blames the stagnant U.S. economy on the reason for the closers. People just can't afford over-priced gas and over-priced coffee, they need to save money for over-priced clothing after all. Now the funny thing about all this is that 70% of these store closures are going to be stores opened after the beginning of 2006. So rather than admit they might be over-expanding their shitty brand, they blame the economy as if to say, "We hate you American government, standing in the way of your citizens getting the coffee they want, nay, deserve to be drinking on a thrice daily basis."
My solution is this: add a $2.00 tax for drinking to every Frappuccino sold and you can fix the economy in less than 5 years. I already have a name for it, "The Fat Douchebag Economic Reform Act" (I realize some slender people drink them but they probably still have high cholesterol).
Monday, June 30, 2008
Prince Charles continues to wine...
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23503568-details/Prince+Charles+converts+his+beloved+Aston+Martin+to+a+green+machine...+run+on+English+wine/article.do
Ugh... the environmental movement is getting out of control. I know everyone loves Priuses (Priusees? Priusiy? Octopussy?) and that the ozone layer is dying (or trying to get away from Australia, depending on your point of view), and that Al Gore wants to keep you from destroying his second-greatest invention, the enivornment. But I mean really... a car that runs on wine? Well at least it's English wine so it's probably pretty close to petroleum anyways. Does a country which invented blood pudding stand a chance a making drinkable wine? Even hobos wont brown bag it.
He's really doing his part though by running his car on grapes. A car he drives only 300 miles a year. Maybe next time though when he decides to fly to the United States and prove that he has some semblance of power on the world stage he might take a hot air balloon, instead of a private jumbo jet that probably has 20 people on it. Perhaps this is his way of proving English royalty are in touch with the people (or at least those that can afford to convert their Aston Martin's to use bioethanol fuel). Wonder if he gets a tax rebate for that?
Bottom line though, he should stop putting the wine in his car and start drinking it to make his wife, Camila, more attractive to him or better yet give it to me so everytime I see her on TV I wouldn't wince. I wish I could articulate in written word the feeling of my stomach contents escaping and running away to hide in a dark corner.
Ugh... the environmental movement is getting out of control. I know everyone loves Priuses (Priusees? Priusiy? Octopussy?) and that the ozone layer is dying (or trying to get away from Australia, depending on your point of view), and that Al Gore wants to keep you from destroying his second-greatest invention, the enivornment. But I mean really... a car that runs on wine? Well at least it's English wine so it's probably pretty close to petroleum anyways. Does a country which invented blood pudding stand a chance a making drinkable wine? Even hobos wont brown bag it.
He's really doing his part though by running his car on grapes. A car he drives only 300 miles a year. Maybe next time though when he decides to fly to the United States and prove that he has some semblance of power on the world stage he might take a hot air balloon, instead of a private jumbo jet that probably has 20 people on it. Perhaps this is his way of proving English royalty are in touch with the people (or at least those that can afford to convert their Aston Martin's to use bioethanol fuel). Wonder if he gets a tax rebate for that?
Bottom line though, he should stop putting the wine in his car and start drinking it to make his wife, Camila, more attractive to him or better yet give it to me so everytime I see her on TV I wouldn't wince. I wish I could articulate in written word the feeling of my stomach contents escaping and running away to hide in a dark corner.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Yay! Potato(e)s!
http://www.reuters.com/article/inDepthNews/idUSN0830529220080415?feedType=RSS&feedName=inDepthNews&rpc=22&sp=true
Corn on the rise? Have no fear the potato is here! It's such a versatile food product I could eat it any time of the day. Ever had potato flavored ice cream? No? Well why would you it tastes terrible (trust me) but with a little ketchup... yumbos!
I look forward to the day when potatoes become our new currency... and why wouldn't they with the devaluation of currency.
"Hey pretty sweet iPod! How much did that set you back?"
"Oh about a medium bag of french (freedome) fries. Ran out of biggies or else I would have gotten the 16gig."
Corn on the rise? Have no fear the potato is here! It's such a versatile food product I could eat it any time of the day. Ever had potato flavored ice cream? No? Well why would you it tastes terrible (trust me) but with a little ketchup... yumbos!
I look forward to the day when potatoes become our new currency... and why wouldn't they with the devaluation of currency.
"Hey pretty sweet iPod! How much did that set you back?"
"Oh about a medium bag of french (freedome) fries. Ran out of biggies or else I would have gotten the 16gig."
Saturday, April 12, 2008
California encouraging you to buy high-alcohol spirits...
http://cbs13.com/local/beer.tax.california.2.697609.htm
Oh California, why must you make me hate you so? I want to love you for your beaches, your golden gates, your tall redwoods, your short midget actors in Hollywood, and abundance of San Francisco hobos. What makes you think I want to pay more for beer though? All you are doing is encouraging me to buy hard alcohol.
A California lawmaker (I don't want to name names but let's just call him A. Hole) wants to increase the beer tax from $.02 to $.30... oh my GOD!!! (every letter is capitalized for EFFECT). Seriously if you want me to drink Bacardi 151 just tell me up front. Don't tease me and try to move me towards the hard liquor by slowly increasing the price of beer. How dare you! That's it I give up on you California, please don't up the beer tax and make me want to smack you. Why do you make me do this? I'm sorry baby I'll never do it again. Oh don't worry about California... it just walked into wall and then fell down some stairs...
Oh California, why must you make me hate you so? I want to love you for your beaches, your golden gates, your tall redwoods, your short midget actors in Hollywood, and abundance of San Francisco hobos. What makes you think I want to pay more for beer though? All you are doing is encouraging me to buy hard alcohol.
A California lawmaker (I don't want to name names but let's just call him A. Hole) wants to increase the beer tax from $.02 to $.30... oh my GOD!!! (every letter is capitalized for EFFECT). Seriously if you want me to drink Bacardi 151 just tell me up front. Don't tease me and try to move me towards the hard liquor by slowly increasing the price of beer. How dare you! That's it I give up on you California, please don't up the beer tax and make me want to smack you. Why do you make me do this? I'm sorry baby I'll never do it again. Oh don't worry about California... it just walked into wall and then fell down some stairs...
Chris' Pussy
So I drove all the way to Chris' house with a full-size bed precariously positioned on the roof of my car, and when I mean positioned I mean, sliding off my roof on the 580 (that's a freeway you Socal douche bags...) So I finally get to Walnut Creek (which has neither walnuts, nor a usable creek) and I lug this bed up an effing concrete staircase and open the door... what do I see? Chris' pussy staring at me dripping wet with saliva... scratching me, biting me, jumping at me... very unbecoming of a pussy of her breed. I suppose it is because she has yet to be snipped, but even so, what a pussy. Now she sits here, comfortable in her nylon tent... silently judging us. I only pray that I will make it through the night. Perhaps if I don't move she can't see me... like Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Monday, April 7, 2008
People proving their namesakes...
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/4468527a28.html
"Boring couple sue Google over photos"
Wow... what a great news story. Jay Leno's writer's are salivating right now just thinking of all the "boring" jokes they can make. Man am I glad the writer's strike is over so we can get quality like that.
Anywhoozle, apparently a Pennsylvania couple is suing Google and its StreetView application for taking photographs of their house, claiming it is devaluing their property. Because you see, their property is sooo private, and sooo exclusive that no one should even know its there. And what is their main gripe? They believe Google drove up their driveway to get the pictures, as it shows the private road sign, or something. What the Borings (hehehe.... it may never get old.) are failing to realize is that cameras are actually good enough that you can zoom in on the picture. Google does not have the time, nor do they really care, to drive up everyone's driveway to take pictures of you playing croquette with faux intellectual friends.
And actually at looking at the pictures above its very clear just how "exclusive" and "private" this land actually is. I mean just look at that masterful landscaping. Also apparently "private" driveway means only that the house sits back 200 feet from the road. Maybe buy some trees if you want privacy... dumbass.
To you the Borings of the world I say.. shut your mouth and accept progress. Don't hold back interconnected enlightenment because of your own draconian ideas about privacy. Suck it down and close the windows if you're going to cheat on your wife with her sister.
"Boring couple sue Google over photos"
Wow... what a great news story. Jay Leno's writer's are salivating right now just thinking of all the "boring" jokes they can make. Man am I glad the writer's strike is over so we can get quality like that.
Anywhoozle, apparently a Pennsylvania couple is suing Google and its StreetView application for taking photographs of their house, claiming it is devaluing their property. Because you see, their property is sooo private, and sooo exclusive that no one should even know its there. And what is their main gripe? They believe Google drove up their driveway to get the pictures, as it shows the private road sign, or something. What the Borings (hehehe.... it may never get old.) are failing to realize is that cameras are actually good enough that you can zoom in on the picture. Google does not have the time, nor do they really care, to drive up everyone's driveway to take pictures of you playing croquette with faux intellectual friends.
And actually at looking at the pictures above its very clear just how "exclusive" and "private" this land actually is. I mean just look at that masterful landscaping. Also apparently "private" driveway means only that the house sits back 200 feet from the road. Maybe buy some trees if you want privacy... dumbass.
To you the Borings of the world I say.. shut your mouth and accept progress. Don't hold back interconnected enlightenment because of your own draconian ideas about privacy. Suck it down and close the windows if you're going to cheat on your wife with her sister.
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